Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Love Language: Receiving Gifts

Second up in our contemplation of the Five Love Languages:  Receiving Gifts. 

What does "Receiving Gifts" look like?  

Think of it this way -- a gift serves as a gesture of affection and care, because it shows that the giver was thinking about the receiver when the two were not together; a gift then can become a physical token memorializing a sentiment or a shared moment or experience. It's not so much the thing itself that is important, as is the thought behind it that is the key.  

Gifts can be big or small -- presents for special occasions, as well as seemingly mundane items. I was in the grocery store and saw this new cheese and thought you might like to try it. A leaf or a shiny rock. This is a book I enjoyed and thought you might like it too. A calendar of Dad jokes for that person who loves corny humor. It's the sentimentality, not the expense of the gift, that matters. 

Offspring the First sometimes seems to have "Receiving Gifts" as a love language. (It's a little hard to tell, because she is shy about these things.) For special occasions, she usually requests specific items, and I work hard to accommodate those desires as well as to find related items that she may similarly enjoy. I also try to include snacks she likes in all of the grocery shopping, too, because those are tiny gifts that appear in the kitchen for her to find -- little things to show I enjoy having her here in the household and care about her.

Offspring the Second does not enjoy receiving gifts at all, so for gift-related occasions, I do my best to downplay the giving part and to allow him space to open presents without fanfare, or even by himself. That works best for him. Ultimately, it is important to respect another person's desire not to experience something (public gift-receiving) over another person's desire to do something (watch them open a gift they have been given). 

I am not sure about my relationship with the Receiving Gifts love language.  I really like giving gifts, and enjoy contemplating what someone might like as a present.  I do not much like receiving gifts, though. There is no doubt some metaphorical baggage related to gift-receiving that warrants unpacking. (Such as that one Christmastime celebration in my youth, when a relative proclaimed the number of gifts that had just been opened to be "obscene" -- even though that relative was the one who purchased all those particular gifts.)  That might take some time to parse. And it's a low priority to me. 

In the meanwhile, I'll grit my teeth and tolerate gift-receiving occasions since they are mercifully rare, and focus on things that are more important to me -- like giving gifts. Because I really do enjoy that.  And hope that my Important People can tolerate my attempts to speak the language of Gifts for them. 

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