Month-end

Phew.

Taking Care

Nile

Daddy

 My lovely Daddy is gone. 

He left this earth quietly, peacefully, in the evening on Friday, January 20th, 2023. 

I don't have remotely the adequate words. Here are a few. 

He was brilliant, quietly humorous, and incredibly wise.

Patient.

Warm.

Endlessly kind. 

Generous, in a manner that allowed others to accept his generosity with a feeling that he had truly given you a gift, without strings or pretension, without expectation of payback, purely so you could have what was given. 

He took care of everything and everyone, tirelessly and without fail, every day. 

Endlessly organized, methodical, composed and thorough. An engineer through and through.

He loved to travel.

He enjoyed Sudoku, Jumble, word games. 

He used to write math problems on napkins for us when we would wait for a table in restaurants, to keep us entertained. 

His grandchildren brought him so much joy. 

He always made us feel that he was proud of us. Never made us doubt ourselves. We always felt that we could count on him for support, for wise advice, for kind words. 

He was a lovely person. 

A scholar. A sage. 

The kindest of souls.

May his memory be a blessing. 

Rest well, Daddy. And thank you. 

Not on my 2023 Bingo Card

Pre-retinal hemorrhage. Or possibly retinal macroaneurysm. 

GOOD GRAVY.

That blob in my left eyeball's vision when I woke up this morning is alarming, but not an emergency, thank goodness. I will need to see the retinal specialist in the next week or two to follow up. 

Yikes, though. 

Just Saying

Thinking of you. 

Don't Take That Exit

 As I've been trundling down the metaphorical road on which I'm currently travelling, there has been considerable temptation to take certain detours. You know the ones: there are all those glossy bright billboards, spaced carefully so that just when you have nearly forgotten about the advertised roadside attraction, LOOK, there's another reminder, every few miles along the highway. So very tempting. Should I go look? I wonder what's there? The signs make it seem so alluring.  Surely I could use a rest stop, why not use that location for a break? 

The exits are all clearly marked. You see them. They all promise a detour down a path never before taken, to the Land of:

WHAT IF....

No. Don't go to What If Land. 

Just don't.

-----

We are all where we are on the path of Life because of the forks in the road behind us. And we chose the options we did, with the knowledge we had at the time, and we have done the best we could. To spend time with the What If of, What if I had chosen differently, is a fruitless endeavor, because we would not be who we are now. Time -- as we understand it -- is a one-way road. Keep moving forward. We look back to understand, not to change the road. We change the road only looking forward. 

To contemplate the What Ifs involving other people is even more obscure. What If That Person Were [Characteristic that they do not possess]? Well, they would not be who they are. And we would not likely have encountered them in the same way that we have, because they would be an entirely different person in that situation. People are the way they are. We cannot change them. We cannot hope that they be different from how they are. We can only change how we interact with them.  Like the road -- we can only change forward, not backward. 

It is far too easy to get stuck in a sea of fruitless wishes in What If Land. People drown there. We should not wish for what never was. 

So let's focus on what's ahead. Ignore those WHAT IF billboards. Don't take the exit to What If Land.  Stay the course. Contemplate backward only to understand your beginnings, and then look forward to understand where your future lies. 

Let us try. 

Rugs

The buns have new rugs today. Pretty! Clean! For now, at least.

I always feel better when they are all tidy.

Sometimes

Apologies for my absences. I have many thoughts -- many of which I do not want to think -- and am moving through life at the moment as best I can, avoiding not only thoughts, but interactions with other people, and with the environment, and with everything, if I am honest. 

If I can cocoon myself in as little sensory input as possible, perhaps I will be able to soothe myself into a better state of mind. One day at a time. One hour at a time.

Today's earworm: U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own.  Because much as we like to be self-sufficient and alone in times of difficulty, sometimes it may be OK to reach out and ask for someone else to be there. 

You don't have to go it alone. 

And sometimes, the people who are there can help bring song back to your heart, when you have  forgotten how to sing for yourself. 

Sing, you're the reason I sing 

You're the reason why the opera is in me.

Thank you, U2, for a classic that hits just right in a time of need. 

The Light That Is You

Hopabout

Mustache went on two separate unauthorized Walkabouts in forbidden zones in the house today. He became quite static-y, with all his fur sticking up in silly directions.

All four bunnies are feeling disgruntled and rebellious because we had the audacity to CLIP THEIR TOENAILS. THE NERVE.

Offspring the First displayed tremendous talent at calmly conducting rabbit pedicures while they glared ominously at us. No one was scratched or bitten. Success! Well done. 

Superstar

'Bucket List' item - to see Jesus Christ Superstar, live: check. 

It was EXCELLENT.

The most moving part: the agony in the garden (Gethsemane). Done perfectly.

It took me out of the fairly Dark place I have been, for which I am so grateful. 

Well done, lovely performers. Kudos to all of you. 

The Best Kitty Cushion

Fluffy

From yesterday afternoon: the woolly sheep-like clouds 'twixt here and there. Nice.

My favorite part of travel, is capturing a fragment of the scenery along the way. 

Lift Me Up

 Herself speaks.

It's been a challenging few days. 

I will be on my way homeward tomorrow, with relief that I am going back to my familiar nest, and tremendous regret in my heart that I cannot stay longer. I have done the best I can, as have my siblings, to help with smoothing out Daddy's pathway. We hope that he is as comfortable as can be, and we will communicate with him as much as possible in the days to come. We shall see how things unfold.

My soul aches. I want to stand at the edge of the world and let the wind blow through me, until I am cleansed. I want to be picked up and held with gentle hands. I want to find a moment of Peace.

I think that is what Daddy wants, too. 

Rest easy, Daddy. Take your time. We will walk as far as we can along your path with you.

Tonight's earworm:

Rihanna - Lift Me Up (Wakanda Forever soundtrack).

In with the New

 Waiting to see what 2023 holds, when its door opens.