The flock o'buns had their very first vet visit today. Everyone is well and healthy, thank goodness. And now we know everyone's gender: the bun with the lop ears and brown spots is a girl; one of the fluffy white buns -- the sassy one, whom I once found halfway up the stairs -- is also a girl; and the gigantic mustachioed fluffy one is the boy. I'll have to set up a bachelor pad for him shortly, lest we be up to our eyeballs in wee buns. When he's four months old (approximately six weeks from now), we'll have him neutered. Then he can rejoin the ladies, and we'll have them spayed in due course.
They are extremely cute. I wish I was more delighted to have them here. Right now, though, all I feel is the weight of responsibility and the consternation of trying to figure out the best way to care for them - food and habitat and keeping them clean and making sure they get enough exercise and everything. I know that a greater love will come, and that I will grow extremely fond of them in time.
I think, too, that the ache in my heart from other unrelated causes is occupying a lot of space right now, and that I will need to look at those feelings and come to terms with them so that the ache will shrink. There will then be so much more space for love to blossom.
One day at a time.
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