Unexpected Side Effects

 It's been nearly two weeks on the new migraine meds, and.... they might actually be working. (KNOCK WOOD.) The nearly-constant headache has diminished significantly. I've only needed one rescue triptan in this timeframe. I'm not quite in the clear yet, but things do seem a bit better. It's almost too good to be true. I have another four weeks to go before I can make a decision about whether to continue, or whether to try a different option, but I'm (extremely) cautiously optimistic. We shall see.

One unexpected side effect of the lack of omnipresent headache is: there is room for Feelings. And Feelings have made themselves known, and occupied space, accordingly. 

Boy howdy. I don't know what to do with them.

There are a lot of Feelings this time of year, anyway -- Holidays always trigger dormant wants, needs, desires. Old memories, new longings. And right now, with my lovely Daddy's poor health and the Phantom of Things To Come lurking in the corners, there are even more Feelings abounding. With all these Feelings frolicking, the old faithful companions of Abandonment and Unbelonging join in the fray. And here I am, spectator to the gathering.

I don't know which Feelings need attention -- if any. Do I just acknowledge them? Observe them as they pass by? Do I need to converse with them? Or do I need to... actually Feel them? Um, no thank you. There are too many.

I want to try to explain the situation to Beloved Husband, but I think it is too much for him to understand -- or perhaps I lack adequate words. My statement to him of, I am tired, yields a response of, Me too. I don't doubt that he is tired. But there seems to be a full qualitative difference in our respective Tiredness. His Tired, borne of demanding clients and endless Hard Work, is different from my Exhausted-from-All-The-Feelings Tired. I do my best to help him with his Tired, but I am not sure how to begin to ask for help with my Tired. I am not even sure if there is something that will help.

I think that perhaps some time in Nature will help. 

Some place with pine cones. Because evergreens are my favorite.

That would be lovely. 

One day at a time.