Tarot

In the spirit of Taking Myself To Go Do Things, I went to a nearby artsy-craftsy fair at a local park. There were a lot of "mystical" booths and wares, which I always find mildly interesting. I'm not a believer in the powers of astrology or crystals, but I am willing to hear out those who are, out of scientific/people-y curiosity. 

At one booth, the gentleman hawking the wares informed me that the nearby young woman was their local Tarot reader, if I was interested in a reading. I declined politely and moved on, but thought about it later. 

On the one hand, I think the idea of Tarot is fascinating, because it requires in part a level of people-reading skills that would be extremely useful to have, not to mention a level of imagination that would be interesting as well. It would be fascinating to see that in action. Could I be "read" by a stranger? Probably. How on point would it be? And if so, how alarming would that be? 

On the other hand, I realized that my first specific thought in this specific situation was to decline a Tarot reading because I didn't want to subject the Tarot reader to any bad juju/intense aura/weird planetary alignment/karmic whatnot that I am currently experiencing. I had this sense that I'm just too much right now, it might be harmful to her or she might need to 'smudge' herself or her Tarot deck or otherwise cleanse her aura after interacting with me. I wouldn't want that for anyone. 

There's a lot going on inside my head -- some migraine-related, lots emotion-related, with various emotion-related bits having to do with various people in various amounts of intensity at varying times -- and I'm choosing to let it all percolate and sift itself through rather than to try to actively sort itself out right now. Given that I'm already a slightly odd and relatively intense individual anyway, the combination means that I am more likely than ever to be a bit much for another person to experience even tangentially. That's why I'm keeping myself pretty tightly contained right now.

Maybe that's why I've had more migraines lately. Hmmm.

On the other hand (so many hands), that's probably all silly. I'm not so special. My feelings are not likely to be qualitatively much different from those of any other human being's. Surely I'm not bad luck or a dark cloud. Right? 

I just want to protect other people in the way that I do not, at the moment, feel protected myself. And so I try -- despite where I am inside my head -- to foster light for others like lovely Buela does.  By shining enough light for others, perhaps I can find the way out of my own darkness, too.