Countdown

 Herself speaks.

If all goes in accordance to plan, tomorrow I will undergo what is (allegedly) a minor surgical procedure to take care of my gynecological medical issues. 

I'm feeling calm, but I am standing on the edge of a slight precipice of panic. The biggest fear is postoperative pain. It shouldn't be too bad, but we all know that my body has a tendency to do things a little differently, so we never know exactly how things will transpire. 

I am declining to spend much time contemplating the remote possibilities: what if the doctor finds something problematic? (The words "biopsy if necessary" have been mentioned more than once.) What if things go... horribly wrong? (How many times is it necessary to ask if I have an advanced directive (yes), or if I've ever had a reaction to anesthesia before (no)? Those questions never instill confidence in proceedings.) Do I need to say profound things today to the people I love, in case I don't have a chance to communicate how much they mean to me later? That seems a bit excessive. It does cross through my mind every time I have surgery, though. 

Let's not think about all that. What will happen, will happen, whether I worry or not. This is low stakes; it should be fine. 

As part of the pre-op appointment, the doctor recited all of my previous surgeries. It's a motley litany, with the bulk of them being gynecological. I'd actually forgotten about one of them, because it was wrapped up with another procedure done concurrently, which dominated the proceedings. And time has taken a toll as well - since the time of my last surgery, I have added (ordinary) medications of middle age. Will they impact how things go? Probably not. 

The body's been through a lot. It tries so hard. It -- and I -- do the best we can. 

Let us hope that all goes fine, and that I am back shortly afterward.

See you soon.