My bucket is empty. And my efforts to enlist some kind of buttress -- whether in the form of sympathy, or pleasant distraction, or actual sitting-down-and-trying-to-explain-how-I-feel-and-asking-for-things -- are... for naught.
I want to make excuses for other people. They're just busy. They are thinking of other matters more pressing to them. They don't realize that I'm struggling. I haven't explained myself plainly. They can't fix the big things, and since they don't understand the value of the small things when I'm struggling, they do no things. They are uncomfortable with unhappy emotions. It is too much.
I feel the weight of my own emotions, and I hesitate to ask anyone to carry a piece of my burden. No one wants that. No one should have to carry that.
They are good people. It simply means that what I need, they cannot provide.
Sometimes I wonder - if I didn't reach out to others, how long would it take them to reach out to me? And I am never quite confident in what my heart tells me in response to that question.
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I am going to take a short break, until I can get myself into a better frame of mind. I might try to post a daily photograph of something Happy. Perhaps that will lead me down a better road.
We shall see.
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