Tone

Herself speaks.

The other day, while working my way through a rebound headache and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, I was chatting with Beloved Husband in the kitchen. I made a statement, and Beloved Husband commented that it sounded as though my comment was critical and sarcastic; in my head, though, it was just a statement of fact. I let him know, and we continued the conversation. It got me thinking, though. Perhaps the Angry Eyebrows of the headache contributed to my tone of voice. Or perhaps it's something else.

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I've wondered for a long time -- ever since Offspring the Third's diagnosis -- whether I too am on the autism spectrum. The difficulties I have understanding other people's points of view and recognizing certain social cues, and my odd/unnecessarily complex use of language without the apparently customary intonation, (along with other factors) might suggest so. Perhaps that is why I am most comfortable with the written word: it's easier to express myself with 1,000 words rather than through a single tone of voice. 

I wonder if it's hard for the people I talk with to understand how I'm feeling or what I really mean based on my spoken word. Does this mean that I need to work harder on modulating my voice (or at least to be more cognizant of what my voice is doing)? Do ordinary people have to watch their tone, too, or does it come naturally? How much time do other people spend thinking about their words and exactly the trajectory of how those words should leave their mouths and blast off into the air? That seems like a lot of work. With the amount of time it takes for me to formulate something to say and present it out loud, the addition of extra moments to reflect on intonation might make it nearly impossible for me to maintain an ordinary conversation. Or perhaps I just need more practice. 

A lot of practice. 

I'm tired just thinking about it. 

This probably ties in to why I prefer to interact with one person at a time -- it's so much more complicated with more than one. 

The pandemic has been, in a strange way, a relief: fewer social interactions. And though I occasionally am lonely, I am also occasionally relieved that I do not need to participate in more small mentally taxing conversations.

If we have an in-person conversation - please forgive me, lovely readers, for possibly being difficult to understand. And please don't hesitate to ask if you are not sure what I mean. I'm always happy to use 1,000 extra words to try to explain myself.