Acephalic

Medical lingo today. Nothing overly sensitive for the squeamish, though. Let's talk migraines! 

First, let's put a name to it: Acephalic migraine. 

"Silent migraine." Migraine without headache. (Though I do also have headache -- it's just that the headache is not the predominant problem.) All the aura. So much aura. So much unpleasant aura. 

That appears to be the situation.

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The first migraine preventative -- topiramate -- did help a bit, although it came with an absolutely crushing fatigue that made it not a tenable solution. (And technically, it was really the second preventative, since the propanolol prescribed by the cardiologist is actually also used as a migraine preventative. It did absolutely squat preventative-wise, though.) We have now moved on to a monthly injectable preventative. It might take up to six months to see results. They showed me how it works at the doctor's office, and I get to inject myself next month. I am absolutely willing if it solves the migraine issue. We shall see.

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I am pretty sure I have, at this point, fallen into the chronic pain/chronic illness category. I do not remember the last time I felt well for more than a day. Or for a full day, even. Some days are better than others, it's true. Other days are very hard, and despair comes with the headache. Will it never stop?

I don't know how to communicate this to other people, or whether I even should. What difference would it make? Being in pain and/or feeling unwell doesn't relieve me of my obligations or my responsibilities. Must plow on, regardless. 

Perhaps I can start with cutting myself a little slack for being less productive than I would like to be. Right now, a bit more rest, a bit more tolerance of untidiness, a bit more understanding of sitting-on-the-couch-doing-nothing, might help. 

I feel as though I should ask for help. I don't know what to ask for specifically, though, or from whom. I just need.... relief.

Someday. I hope.