What Is Mine

Herself speaks.

I'm having an issue. It relates to the people whom I am comfortable having in my house.

Certain people -- Beloved Husband, the Offspring, Cherished Friend, certain family members (my Safe People) -- enlarge the joy of my house.  In contrast, there is another particular type of person -- the Particular Person -- about whom the very thought of their presence in my house yields an incomprehensible, visceral, fight-or-flight reaction.

When visiting, this type of Particular Person will, as usual, start more than one sentence with, "I noticed that...," followed by some commentary: on the inadequacy of my home (e.g., it needs paint) or my possessions (e.g., my couch is well-used) or my clothes (e.g., too informal). Any sentence that starts with "I noticed that" always makes my inwardly cringe and brace myself for the criticism that follows. Yet this is not the crux of the matter -- it's an irritant, but not unusual or noteworthy.

Rather, the problem is: I have my Treasures in my house. A Particular Person's presence among my Treasures -- especially if I am not here to  protect them -- puts them at risk.

It's not that I'm overly attached to my Things. It's that my Things will not be afforded the respect they deserve. They may be rearranged in a manner that the Particular Person feels is somehow more suitable. They may be damaged, because their value and the need for careful handling may be ignored. Their importance may be minimized, dismissed, or even mocked. Terrible. As I have said before, our Things are part of who we are. It's ever so important not to scoff at another's Things - to do so is to ridicule pieces of a person, and that is an unacceptable unkindness.

The physical presence of Particular Person here in my home, puts into danger all the pieces of comfort and happiness with which I have feathered my nest. It's a danger that I cannot prevent, and must tolerate.

It renders my Safe Place unsafe.

I will have to rely on the help of my Safe People to get through. I hope that they will understand.