Not For You

I recently had to provide a photo of myself for a volunteer directory. The Horror. We all know how I feel about photos of myself.

I know what I look like. I'm middle aged and middle of the road on a good day, if I've made an effort. I do not meet conventional attractiveness standards by any stretch of the imagination. I'm chunky, prone to looking like a somewhat manic chipmunk, lacking in luxurious hair/fingernails/eyelashes or any of the standard hallmarks of feminine beauty. I don't turn heads. I'm invisible at this age and appearance. And I've mostly come to terms with this. 

I keep myself tidy and make an effort to be presentable, but otherwise I don't think about my appearance much, and I carefully avoid mirrors to avoid too many reminders of my shortcomings.  Yet occasionally I must participate in a group photo or (grimace) a solo photo, and there is everything I lack, all fixed in a picture, for all time, for everyone to see. Ugh. 

As I took approximately 800,000 selfies to try to find one that I didn't openly dislike, I came to a realization, though: 

the pictures aren't for me.

They're for people who will need to identify me -- to put a face to a name in a crowd. Do they need to speak with the person in charge of X or Y? Oh, there she is, her face was in the directory under X or Y. 

And the same goes for other photos that I happen to be in -- such as the pictures from the recent reunions. They're not (just) for me, they're for the other people there. Oh, I remember the people who were there with me, I had such a good time talking with that person, or I need to get the information about that thing from that other person. 

So I need to remind myself, when I am subjected to a photo-taking exercise: when we see pictures of our friends/relatives/people we know, we don't criticize the pictures. Rather, we think, Oh, there's that person I know. I hope they're doing well. They look happy. Or there's that person, I would like to talk with them. Or That looks really interesting/fun, what they're doing. Or I sure would like to get together with them again soon. And what a great experience, that we all had together. I'm sure glad we could capture that one moment together on film, to remind me of it later. 

Pictures are for other people.