Valued

Herself speaks.

Yesterday evening at work, a coworker (let's call them One) was running out the door, late for an off-site event; One let me know that I and a third co-worker (let's call them Three) -- with whom One had just finished a meeting -- would be the last ones in the building, and One stated emphatically as they left, Thank God for Three. (Three had just taken on another project with One.) 

I agree. Three is smart, hardworking, a definitive asset to the team. I'm glad Three is there. One is clearly glad to have Three on board. And I think Three is glad to be there. Everyone wins. 

And I'm going to have just a tiny Moment for myself, to wonder: does it ever happen, that another person looks at me or my work product or something I've done, and says so emphatically out loud, Thank God? 

It might be embarrassingly petty to have that thought.

Or: perhaps it's a sign that at the moment, I feel underappreciated, overwhelmed. Undervalued. 

Underloved. And Underloved goes hand-in-hand with Abandoned, because Abandonment is my perpetual companion. It is quiet and unobtrusive most of the time, yet it is always there. We nod courteously from where we sit across the aisle from one another as we travel. And occasionally, we stand together. And we hold one another's hands. 

These are just feelings. And they may, or may not, have anything to do with actuality. But they are my feelings nevertheless. 

I don't know what to do when my feeling of Abandonment runs so high. The proper thing to do would be to tell my important people, I am feeling Abandoned for Reasons that I do not understand, and need reassurance right now. Yet that is absolutely the very last thing that I want to do, when I feel this way. 

So I say nothing. And I know that is the wrong thing to do. 

Maybe one day, I'll eventually summon enough Bravery to say Something. 

And someone will say, I didn't know. Now I do. Thank you for telling me. 

And maybe, even, Oh Thank God, for you.