Moments

As you may have guessed from the posts of the past few days, I have been visiting my most Cherished Friend in Oceanside. And the trip was all that I could have hoped for, and more. 

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The most critical part of being in Oceanside, is staying in the moment: not to dwell on the long interim between the previous visit and the current visit, not to give thought to the immediate future when parting is inevitable and the waiting time begins again, but to be, suspended in the present with -- and in the presence of  -- my Friend. And it is, surprisingly, incredibly easy to do so. 

I listen to his voice, I walk alongside him, I sit in companionable silence with him. It is all simple. All easy. And there is such beauty in being able to savor each moment. Don't look forward, don't look back. Just be. 

Indescribable: the comfort of the knowledge that, despite how I might feel about myself and my failings and flaws, he nevertheless understands my thoughts and my words and still somehow accepts me for who I am. I don't know what I have done to earn his friendship; I do not feel worthy. Yet miraculously, the Universe sees fit to allow me periodic, restorative coexistence with him. What a Grace. There aren't words. 

I don't know how to tell him how honored I am, or how thankful. There is no way to ever repay him for everything. All I can do is to try to return the gift, in kind. 

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Sometimes when Things are hard, I fear some terrible day in the future when my life has diverged from his so much that I no longer have the comfort of his sheltering tree. Hopefully when those thoughts arise, I can look back on this Post and revisit in my mind's eye the moments of this visit. And I can remind myself: don't anticipate a Loss. Be Present. Hold on to the Moments, like a life preserver. 

I wish I could show him, himself, through my eyes: to give him a moment in time when he sees that he is loved for who he is, exactly as he is. And I would hope that he could carry that moment with him, like a shield against the slings and arrows of life. To be able to provide that for him would be a Joy. 

Be well, my Cherished Friend. I wish for the very best for you, Always.