Unicorn

Herself speaks.

I finally had an appointment with a neurologist to try to get a better handle on the sheer volume of headaches/migraines I am experiencing these days. And as I contemplated the question, How many days of the week do you have a headache and found myself responding inside my head, Easier to count the number of days I do NOT have a headache, I felt... sad. And angry. And frustrated.

When I explained the new migraine prodrome symptoms I've experienced lately, the neurologist stated, that's rather out of the ordinary for migraine aura. We should do an EEG to make sure it's not seizure activity.

Erm, what?

It makes sense to check, certainly, and I'm glad she recommended it. It may be "nothing," and if so, there will be that relief of it not being something Serious. (With a tiny sprinkling of so what is it then frustration). It'll most likely be some kind of standard horse, not a zebra, or a unicorn. We shall see.

After I left the appointment, I sat in my car for a bit. I peeled off my mask and checked the bandage on my face from the MOHS surgery to make sure it was still properly attached. And felt the tiniest bit sorry for myself. 

I know that my body is still serviceable and functioning reasonably well, all things considered.  Nevertheless, there are so many small issues. I know that am so fortunate to be able to afford medical care to tackle all the issues, and to be able to find doctors who specialize in the various systems. I do wish, though, that there were fewer issues. I only have the brain space for so many at once. I'm tackling one thing at a time. And frustrated, knowing that the path to tackle them all is longer than I would like it to be.

Perhaps some of the concern I have mentioned before -- that other people are uncomfortable with being in physical proximity to me (which I talked a bit about here) -- stems from a discomfort in existing inside my own slightly problematic body. Sometimes I don't like my body much; why should anyone else? 

Trying to learn to embrace myself, metaphorically and perhaps even literally. One day at a time. And with unicorn band-aids, just because. Luna Lovegood would approve, I think.