Shadow

 Herself speaks.

Last week, I attended an event that was an educational program for local women. I was on the speaker panel, serving in a professional capacity to provide a few snippets of advice about my area of expertise. The women who attended had interesting and thoughtful questions, and it was a fruitful experience. 

Two of the other women on the speaker panel are in industries that work in conjunction with mine for certain transactions, and have interacted with Beloved Husband on a professional basis numerous times in the past. (He and I work together in the same industry.) And as the introductions were being made by the moderator, these two other panelists mentioned Beloved Husband -- and, in fact, spoke glowingly and a bit at length about about him before I'd even had an opportunity to introduce myself. They eventually moved on, and I was able to provide my background (including giving Beloved Husband credit for bringing me on board to work with him, and his training me). The rest of the program went well, and he was mentioned less as we progressed.

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I don't begrudge the glowing mentions of Beloved Husband. He is absolutely excellent in his field: bright, extremely competent, creative, thorough. He's an outstanding teacher. He handles business conflict resolution extremely well. He has a wide network of business acquaintances and compatriots who work together well and support one another. And: he's a genuinely nice person. 

The result of this: he casts a very large professional shadow -- one that I will never truly be able to step out of. I came to this industry late (a mere seven years ago) after twenty-two years of a separate industry. We work in the same office. I am still in many ways under his tutelage and I continue to need his help, because the ways of thinking and looking at problems in this line of work do not come easily for me. I will forever be associated not only personally, but also professionally with him in most circles. And that's mostly fine. Every now and then, though, I feel a little bit... subsumed. Especially when I cannot make an appearance at a women-led and women-driven event, without his shadow preceding me. 

It's times like this, that I miss my other Project, because that is something that is truly Mine. 

Time to work on growing my individual hobbies. So that I can still be Me, in addition to being Beloved Husband's wife and work partner.