Little Pockets

 Herself speaks.

I've been a tad quiet lately, for which I apologize. There has been a lot of Work work, which occupies so much of my brain power. And unexpectedly, too, I have fallen into a few little pockets of grief. 

A few days ago, Facebook memories presented me with a series of some of my favorite images from various years past on that day: Tiny Dog barking furiously at a gigantic mushroom in the back yard; a bird's-eye-view of my first Old Dog's lovely lopsided ears; and a snapshot from the moment when I received my black belt in taekwondo. 

I miss the devotion of my canine companions.  The bunnies, though cute, are not remotely inclined to sit near me, to let me pat them, or to even look interested when I come home. 

I miss, too, the Before Times of the taekwondo gym, when I felt that I had at last found a sport that this clumsy, awkward body might be able to tolerate, and when I felt that I finally might have found a group of people who could be the friends of my adulthood. There are so many complex feelings surrounding taekwondo and the gym. Most of those feelings I have processed, and many I have let go; sometimes, though, a bitter piece of flotsam rises to the surface of memory, and I must contend with it, or watch it pass by. I remind myself that I met Cherished Friend through the taekwondo gym, and that this most valuable friendship is a comfort to me, always. (Even though he is currently so far away, in Oceanside.)

On top of it all, I am still strained about the Pandemic. I have started going more places, and I see fewer and fewer masks, and I am more and more uncomfortable. I don't trust people. Are they vaccinated? or non-vaccine, non-mask assholes? No way to tell. I might have to stop going more places, until I can reach a greater comfort level. 

Beloved Husband and I have started making travel plans to see some of my family, whom I have not seen since the Christmas season prior to the onset of the Pandemic. I would like to see them. I do not want to travel. I am exhausted just thinking about it. I will do what I must and rise to the occasion, but holy cannoli, I do not want to imagine traveling in late-stage Pandemic, and trying to feed myself in a migraine-free manner while doing so.

I need a little bit of peace.

Eventually.