Herself speaks.
It's been one year since Cherished Friend left for Oceanside.
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In the days preceding the day that he left (and that day itself), I did not give any thought to when I would see him in person again. It was still the beginning of the Pandemic -- everything was uncertain, and to try to envision the future in the face of an unknown Plague was unimaginable. His moving to outside the radius of an afternoon's drive was hard enough, without thinking about the additional Pandemic obstacles. The heart can only take so much.
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The things I miss the most, are doing relatively ordinary activities with Cherished Friend: hiking up the mountain or through the Caverns; visiting a sporting goods store or a used bookstore; running routine errands such as to the grocery store; playing Scrabble, watching movies. I also miss how he would encourage Beloved Husband to escape the office and plan excursions such as for camping. I miss his insightful and thoughtful conversation about all topics, large and small, over a meal or on the patio in back. And not least of all, I miss the moments spent in companionable silence. All these minutiae of friendship, formed by tiny building blocks of time spent together.
I think with fondness about how -- despite being allergic to dogs -- he would let New Old Dog sit on his lap, and how he would try to encourage New Old Dog to eat. I remember the soothing nature of his presence when I am annoyed or distraught about something, and his ability to quietly help without making me feel inept or stupid for needing assistance. Lucky am I, to have such a friend.
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He continues to be a good friend, despite the distance: he keeps the lines of communication open, and we email and text and occasionally internet-video-chat. It's always good to see his face and to hear what he has to say. I just would prefer to do it in person.
I worry sometimes that I am too... persistent? Demanding? Vocal? of a friend. How much contact is too much? How much is not enough? I try to take his lead as much as possible, because I know that his need for solitude is greater than my desire for communication. I worry a lot about being needy. This past year has been difficult in so many ways, and eliciting support without being exhausting has been tricky. He's been very patient, and I'm grateful.
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Every now and then, I think about what it may be like when he settles more into Oceanside, makes local friends, gets busier with his new life there. I know a time may come when I hear from him less. It will be a loss for me, I know. At the same time, how happy I will be to know that he has put down roots and found contentment in Oceanside. He deserves that. And more.
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Late-stage Pandemic Life has regained a semblance of normalcy, though it's hard not to worry that the 'new normal' might be tenuous. Vaccines (thanks, science!) help tremendously, though there is still worry about variants and breakthrough infection and such. I'm not quite ready to travel yet, though it looks like it might be safe, and possible, in the near future.
I would like very much to enjoy again, a few ordinary moments spent with Cherished Friend.
Soon.
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