Pandemic Thoughts, Eight

Herself speaks.

It's been nearly two months since the last Pandemic Thoughts. The Pandemic continues apace (is the infection rate exponential yet?), and the news articles are so exhausting that they are virtually unreadable, for how much heartache can one bear? Five year old loses both parents. Whole family struck down. Entire population of nursing home infected. It goes on, and on. And on. 

And so we hide, not only from other people, but from any news sources at all. We filter Facebook friends who post about going out to dinner. We delete the emails from extended family members who want to provide me with the latest article about the dire situation in our home city. We look at online science journals instead of standard news sources. And when we must have a bit of news, we read the BBC instead of CNN. We do what we can. 

It's a lot. And it's hard not to fixate on the actions of deliberately Terrible People who refuse to wear masks or socially distance, and who effectively make life extremely difficult for those of us who are trying to do the right things. I've lost a lot of my faith in humanity because of the Pandemic. It's not a happy situation. 

Rather than spend time being enraged at things (and people) that I cannot control, I've instead turned inward to ruminate. I've spent a lot of time thinking about Things. Things like: what I need from other people; whether the people close to me can realistically provide what I need; and what to do if not. And related to that: how to somehow build more support, even though I don't like to ask for help; and why I don't like to ask for help in the first place. And occasionally, when I feel optimistic, Things like: how grateful I am for what I do have. 

If nothing else, by the time restrictions loosen and I am once more able to interact a bit more with the human race, I will have a better feel for who I am, what I need, and how to set about finding it. 

I want to be hopeful. 

Perhaps in time.