Giving and Expectation

Herself speaks. 

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. - Kahlil Gibran

A long time ago in college, before I began dating Beloved Husband, I dated a guy whom I'll call Orion. Orion was a nice fellow. (And, side note, still is -- I saw him at Beloved Husband's college reunion last year, and it was both delightful and meaningful to catch up with Orion and to hear about his life since graduation.) We dated off-and-on for quite some time.

At one point while Orion and I were dating, there was an opportunity to attend a semi-formal dance. I had a small part-time job on campus that gave me a bit of extra pocket money, and so as a gift for Orion, I purchased a shirt and tie for him to wear for the occasion.

It was not until much later that I realized that my present to him had been, in fact, problematic: he told me that his mother suggested that I was trying to "buy him" with the gift. I was horrified. And perplexed.

This was my first real introduction to the concept of quid pro quo: I learned that sometimes, people give gifts and favors and such with an expectation of something in return.

I hadn't expected anything. I had thought it would make him happy, and enjoy the dance more, to have the shirt and tie.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving. - Kahlil Gibran

I have always liked to take care of things for other people, to give them small things I think they will enjoy, to be of service. It is hard for me to understand that my willingness to do so might be misconstrued as an attempt to manipulate others, or to make others feel indebted to me. Yet this is apparently a common occurrence in society: we see it in film and on television (and occasionally, in real life, too), in the form of men who buy women dinner or gifts, and expect sexual activity in return.

I cannot imagine thinking this way.

I have been extraordinarily blessed, in that those closest to me do not expect quid pro quo. I cannot participate in that type of expectation. And fortunately, I do not have to do so.

My Important People. They are such lovely People. I am glad they allow me to give to them.

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving. 
For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.
And you receivers... and you are all receivers... assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives. Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the freehearted earth for mother, and God for father. - Kahlil Gibran