Herself returned the call, introduced herself to the representative, and explained that she is in charge of banking, bill paying, and related tasks, so that it would be most helpful if he spoke with her directly rather than to Husband regarding such matters. The representative invited Herself to find a time to stop by the bank to meet in person. She said she would do so.
Several days later, there was a letter from the bank in the mailbox. Herself is also in charge of sorting and handling the mail; since she and Beloved Husband use this particular bank solely for their joint account (his business accounts are at different banking institutions), she opened this letter. It was from the same representative, introducing himself to Husband, and inviting Husband to contact him at his convenience and arrange a meeting.
Herself was mildly annoyed.
If the representative truly wanted to "look for ways [bank] can help you today and in the future through our wide range of innovative products and services," as the letter stated, one would think that contacting the individual who actively indicated that she is in charge of banking tasks would be the proper course of action. Even if it were a generic form letter, in Herself's opinion, the letter should be addressed to both individuals on a joint account. Why was it not? Was it carelessness? Inattention to detail? Or something else?
As we've discussed before, Herself grew up in the context of Girl Power, when "girls can do anything boys can do" was a heavily-promoted mantra. Thus, it still surprises her when she sees what appears to be shades of traditional gender role-based assumptions. Perhaps in this community, men are primarily in charge of banking matters. (That's solely speculation -- and probably unlikely.) And even if that were the case, given her action to identify herself as the responsible individual, Herself finds it improper and rather a bit irritating to have the bank and its representative overlook/ignore her stated role. Bad job, bank. Do better.
---------
Is it contradictory that Herself nevertheless also manages family tasks that are traditionally within women's domains? The household here generally adheres to a division of labor along traditional gender lines. Herself takes care of laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, pet care and such. The male Offspring and Beloved Husband tend to home repairs and yard work and such. Everyone seems satisfied with this arrangement.
Upon reflection, perhaps it's not really a question of gender-based division of chores. Rather, it's more a matter of who has the best skills for certain tasks.
Herself can remove a stain and is aware of what temperature water, as well as dryer setting, will work best for certain fabrics and colors. She knows which cleaning fluid is needed for which type of flooring. She can polish silver. She knows which foods are necessary for which recipes; she understands the diet and occasional medical needs of each pet (and person). And she's happy to take care of these things; it's in her nature to try to care for the people and creatures of the household by providing good meals and a clean and comfortable environment.
On the other hand, she is not as well versed in lawnmower maintenance or the inner workings of a garbage disposal. It's always a relief when someone who understands such things better can take charge of them. Certain tasks Herself actively dislikes -- such as figuring out computer-related issues or taking the car to the mechanic -- are tasks that she would prefer not to handle because she feels she has insufficient knowledge to do so. She cannot speak the language of RAM and processors and hard drives, nor of transmissions or brakes. And when she becomes resentful at having to tackle such a job, it is because the task is out of her realm of expertise. She feels inadequate. She doesn't know what to do. Ugh.
She cannot be annoyed that someone else in the household isn't taking charge of these tricky projects. They are all busier with school and work than she is at the moment; she is best suited to spend the time to set up the home network or take the van for an oil change. Furthermore, they may not have any additional information (particularly, for example, in relation to computer issues), and she may in fact be the best hope for researching and identifying sources of problems and potential solutions.
Still, sometimes she feels like a small child with a knot in her shoelaces. She wishes a responsible adult would come along and kindly untangle the knot and tie her shoes. HELP ME. She knows, though: she IS the responsible adult. She needs to tackle her own laces.
So she does. She might secretly shed a frustrated tear or two while undoing the knots. But that's OK.
*
No comments:
Post a Comment