Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried

And, in the "Myths and Legends of our Time" category, we have the following e-mail message from a school teacher (relevant names and class redacted for protection of the involved parties):

I am [CHILD's] [SUBJECT] teacher. I would like to share a concern with you over something that I observed today. [CHILD] was observed crushing smarties into powder. Of course it is not illegal to crush candy; however, there is a growing trend of snorting smarties. [CHILD] tried to hide the candy from me immediately when I walked up. I threw it away. Students are not allowed to eat or drink in the classroom. I am concern that [CHILD] may have intended to snort the candy. This practice can be detrimental to [CHILD'S] health. I have listed a few links to supply you more detail about the topic. Please visit with [CHILD] about this topic.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/middle-school-warns-snorting-smarties-may-lead-to-nasal-maggots/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/01/23/smarties-snorting-schools-parents/4714515/"

Now, color me naive, perhaps, but my first thought upon observing a child crushing Smarties, would not be "SNORTING CRUSHED CANDY NASAL MAGGOTS SURE TO FOLLOW," but rather, would be something along the lines of "that'll make a mess, and will probably be sticky, and holy cow students don't make a sticky mess in the classroom."  If I were a particularly astute teacher, my second thought would probably be something such as "those sure are crushable and children who enjoy textures and sensations -- and minor destruction, as many young boys do -- probably enjoy it.  But it's still messy, and holy cow student's don't make a sticky mess in the classroom."

Along similar lines, if I saw a child hiding the evidence of a crushed Smartie, I would most likely think something along the lines of "child knows that's messy and that messes shouldn't be made in the classroom so is trying to hide mess-making," or possibly, "child knows it's against the rules to eat or drink in the classroom, so that's most likely why child is trying to hide the squashed Smartie."

And in addition, I might also think:  "While there are apparently news articles from seemingly legitimate sources about an alleged increase in Smartie-snorting, such snorting seems inherently unpleasant and it's really unlikely that students are actually doing so in droves."  Or finally, perhaps:  "I should check Snopes."

It's really very difficult to take this kind of message seriously.  But we must, somehow, in the extremely unlikely event that a child might have heard something obscure about snorting Smarties and decided to do something dumb like irritate their nasal passages with a bit of sugar and food coloring.

Or perhaps we should just remind children not to have any food or drink in the classroom.

This lovely image was found in an article discussing the snorting of Smarties, here: http://www.eastbayri.com/news/schools/e-mail-students-snorting-and-smoking-smarties/