Herself likes to sing. She hesitates to sing in front of other people, though - even merely to sing "happy birthday." She will sing if there's a crowd, hiding her voice amongst the others. She will sing when she is home alone, or by herself in the car (quite loudly, in fact). Otherwise, though, she will almost never sing.
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She remembers once, very long ago, singing in the car. She was a young thing -- still in the single digits of age -- sitting in the back seat with a classmate, and the two of them were singing along to the radio. Her long-term Acquaintance was in the front seat. Acquaintance chastised Herself for singing "funny." Herself didn't know what was meant - she was just singing. She and her classmate continued the song, and Acquaintance scolded Herself a second time not to sing "that way." Herself still couldn't determine what she was doing wrong. She tried harder, but her efforts yielded a third admonishment: stop that, or the radio would be turned off. She could not fathom what was the problem.
She became silent and sat, embarrassed, until the car ride was over.
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Several years later, in high school, Herself did sing in choir, as required. She did her best to try to match her voice precisely to that of a peer whom the choir instructor regularly praised for her singing ability. While others did not openly flinch, Herself could never let go of the anxiety she felt when singing. She knew there was something wrong with her singing. She knew her beloved sister sang beautifully. She wished she could too.
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When the Offspring were small, they did not mind Herself's singing. They enjoyed it, in fact. There was Itsy Bitsy Spider and Puff the Magic Dragon (leaving out the sad last verses) and a personal favorite, The Donut Song, which Herself would sing while brushing the toddler Offsprings' teeth to ensure adequate minutes of dental care. Such a lovely time of un-self-conscious song.
The days of reading board books and singing "Tree, tree, tree" have faded away as the Offspring have grown and begun listening to CDs and then the radio and then iPods. Now that they are all teenagers, Herself is acutely aware of their need not to be embarrassed by their parents. Sometimes she sings quietly along with the radio when the Offspring are in the car with her; she always feels sheepish, though, particularly when Offspring the Third -- a thoroughly teenage middle-schooler who prefers the hard rock station to anything his mother might select --- sighs and grumbles. Ah, how Herself is nostalgic for those days when he (a difficult-to-soothe infant) was easily quieted by being carried and softly serenaded by his mother.
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Herself likes to listen to music while in the kitchen. Cooking is a full-sensory undertaking: the colors of the ingredients, the cold and the hot of the pans and implements, the smells, the tastes -- all that is needed is a little auditory accompaniment to complete the experience.
Sometimes on the occasional weekend evening, when the Menfolk gather for dinner and a movie or games, Herself has found herself singing quietly while preparing the food. She silences herself if they step too near, lest her singing offend; still, she does sing. And she is grateful that she feels comfortable enough to sing with Beloved Husband or Cherished Friend nearby. Such a blessing, to feel secure and uncriticized.
She is fortunate indeed.
This snippet of Puff was found here.
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