Golden Rule

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  - Grandmothers around the world

It is astonishing how much negativity can be exuded in a short amount of time, and how little pointed words can color the tone of the most benign of conversations.

Yesterday, Herself hosted a brief visit by a married couple she knows, for tea and muffins. Conversation was relatively pleasant, but there were specific moments in which the Wife in the Couple deliberately and (in Herself's opinion) unkindly challenged the Husband's statements, demeanor, or intent in speaking.  Wife also was generally cynical and disparaging, with overtones of criticism.  It was uncomfortable. Unpleasant.  Yucky.

Moment 1:  Husband in the Couple, knowing that Herself's Beloved Husband would be out of town for Valentine's Day, indicated that he would bring Herself a treat:  "I'll bring you a [delectable comestible] Thursday."  While speaking, he looked at Wife in the Couple, presumably (and reasonably, in Herself's sphere of reference) to elicit Wife's assistance in remembering and delivering the comestible in a few days.  Wife in the Couple looked back at Husband in the Couple and protested, loudly:  "For me? You mean her? Why are you looking at me then? No, it's all right, I don't expect or want that anyway." Wife continued scolding while Herself and Beloved Husband opted to discuss other matters so as not to be party to the Couple's conversation.

Moment 2:  Herself, discussing aged and decrepit dog's temperamental eating habits:  "I do feed [dog] by hand on occasion when she doesn't feel well.  It's a good karma thing, so when I'm old and decrepit, someone will throw kibble to me, too."  Wife in the Couple replied -- snidely, pejoratively, disparagingly:  "Well, you hope that will happen."  Wife then hung a "but it won't" clause silently in the air in the room, and waited for Herself to acknowledge it.   Herself did not take the bait; she chose to respond "Yes, I do hope so," instead.

Moment 3:  The conversation turned to how the neighbors recently redid the floor in their garage.  It looks nice and has sealed their garage well.  Husband in the Couple commented, "That's something we've been thinking about doing."  Wife in the Couple snapped:  "I just want to make it clear that it isn't something WE have been thinking of doing. It's something HE has been thinking of doing."  Herself felt compelled to point out that Wife would also benefit from the garage floor treatment.  The Wife scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Sigh.

These conversations make Herself tired.  She feels an obligation -- or rather, a NEED -- to stand up for the Husband in the Couple; he is a kind, thoughtful, helpful man, and it pains Herself tremendously to hear Wife speak to him in such an unkind and deliberately antagonistic manner.  Herself also is easily wearied by the pessimism thrown about by the Wife.  Herself fully understands that life is difficult, that bad things happen without reason or solution, that people can be uncaring or cruel, and that the possibility fully exists that she may one day end up neglected and unfed in the corner of some nursing home somewhere.  Herself chooses, though, to hope for the best and to treat others as she herself would like to be treated:  to be kind; to build others up, rather than to chop them down; to be positive and encouraging.  Even when Herself falls into the Void, she tries her very best to shine a light beyond her edges.

Life is short. Life is hard. She can try to make it better for others, and particularly for those she loves.

The Golden Rule.  It works for Herself.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama