I cannot even begin to describe what is happening in this country right now. All I can think of is George Floyd calling out for his mama, a knee on his neck, dying. This latest murder of a black man at the hands of a police officer is the spark that has lit a conflagration. Where will it end? How will it end? Will a phoenix rise from the ashes, or is it fiendfyre?
Offspring the Third attended a local protest. I nearly held my breath the entire time he was out. My earnest, idealistic, tender young man -- how much danger was he in? I do not know. The news and footage from protests across the country are overwhelming. I cannot yet watch the footage he obtained of the tear gas, the riot gear, the darkness and the anger and fear and rage. I am not sure I will ever be able to do so.
Pandemic, protests, politics. Unemployment, poverty. Uncertainty about the future of anything. And climate change, once so big a concern, now on the back burner as humanity bleeds.
It is an unbearable amount of grief. For my own sanity, I need to find a way to shut out the noise of the horror, even if just for a little while.
Smell the flowers. Lie in the grass and look at the moon. Feel the fur of the small dogs. Listen to the rufflings of the birds in the trees in the twilight. Ground myself in this moment. It is all I can do.
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Yes... I have spent much of this month in very long walks seeking beauty... and finding only moments of peace. But I am grateful both for those willing to protest despite the danger to them and my moments of peace.
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