That Time Again

Herself speaks.
Discussion of anatomy. You have been warned!

It is time for the six-month follow-up from last summer's ultrasound. As you'll recall, we're watching several allegedly-benign breast lumps to see whether they continue to be stable, or whether they are doing something new or interesting or alarming.

First, the financial aspects -- what is wrong with the healthcare system, in a nutshell:

For a bilateral breast ultrasound, I was informed that the cost to me WITH my insurance (since I have not met this year's deductible), would be $504. I was astounded by this amount, and asked how much it would be without insurance. I fully expected to be told that without insurance, it would be more than that.

How mistaken I was. Without insurance, it would cost $130 per breast. So essentially, if I didn't use my insurance, it would be HALF the amount.

I had the choice to pay an exorbitant amount and have it count toward my deductible, or pay half the amount off-insurance and out of pocket. Crapshoot: do I pay twice as much to make sure I am getting credit toward the deductible in case something goes all to hell this year medically and I have a lot of medical expenses, or do I pay half as much and not get deductible credit? 

WHY IS THIS EVEN A CHOICE, AMERICA?

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After making that impossible choice and exercising my credit card, I had the ultrasound today. Being a somewhat... ample girl, it took a while. Plenty of time to think, staring at the wall or the ceiling while a patient and thorough young woman applied enough ultrasound gel to coat a small country and ran the wand over all the terrain. Position, press, click. Pause. Position, press, click. Pause. Press harder. Position, press, click. Pause. And on and on. 

I did not want to interrupt her process by making small talk, and so I thought All The Thoughts instead. These are the things that went through my head:

What are the risk factors for breast cancer again?

I had my first baby young, and nursed all the Offspring for a cumulative 5 years. Surely that was protective somehow?

What if I do have breast cancer? One out of nine women.

How many women are there in the office? How many of us will develop breast cancer?

Would I choose mastectomy? Lumpectomy and radiation? I suppose it depends on what is going on.

Cannot even bear to think about chemo. Though if I lost my hair, I would totally wear a head scarf for every occasion. 

Would I have reconstructive surgery? 

Maybe I would just do the whole badass tattoo thing. 

Don't they tattoo new nipples for breast cancer survivors too? 

Could I have nipple-saving surgery? Didn't Angelina Jolie do that? 

If I had reconstruction, I would go for a size smaller. A G cup is *really* difficult to dress properly.

I don't think at this point that anyone could imagine me without cleavage. It's been part of my physique for oh, 36 years or so now.

There is absolutely nothing remotely sexy or sexual about this procedure. It is uncomfortable and boring.

They really should put a picture or something on the ceiling, so we have something to look at.

Maybe a "Where's Waldo?" photo. 

The feeling of pressure/discomfort reminds me of the lumpectomies I had in my early 20s. No sedative, arms outstretched and tied to a board so I wouldn't move. 

God, that was terrible.

I hope that they've improved how they handle these things since then.

Oh, hooray, all done. 

I will be sticky from the gel all day.

Results will be released in two or three business days.

We shall see.

Save me.