I have said oftentimes that the holidays are not about the self, but about others -- we do the things that we feel obligated to do, not because we necessarily enjoy them, but because they are important to other people. For example, we go to a particular gathering, not because we like to make small talk with a dozen different people, but because the host/hostess will be glad to see us, or because other attendees will be relieved to see our familiar face there.
It becomes trickier when we think about what other people do. Whose shoes do we put ourselves in -- those of the hostess, who will derive pleasure from seeing a guest, or those of the individual who longs for nothing more than a social-obligation-free evening, even if it means declining to attend an event? And are our feelings about the best course of action tempered by projection of our own feelings? (We must admit, yes.)
Perhaps, despite our most well-intentioned efforts, we are in fact selfish. We select presents not only to please the recipient, but also to warm our own hearts through the pleasure of gift-giving. We want others to join us not just to share the events of the holidays, but also because it brings us joy to have them with us.
It is hard -- nay, impossible -- to make everyone happy over the holidays. Furthermore, taking care of oneself in this time of external demands is important. Is it selfish to choose to do what we feel will be best for us, even if it differs from societal expectation? Or is it, rather, an important act of self-preservation? There are times when we are exhausted from doing what we think is best for Others, rather than Ourselves. How do we find a compromise that will protect Ourselves, and yet still take Others into Consideration?
The answers vary, from person to person, from day to day. We shall see how everything unfolds.
However you spend your holiday time, my intrepid readers, know that I wish for you peace and joy, and the comfort of company when you need it, as well as solitude when you crave it most.
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| Snoopy and Charlie Brown found here: https://www.hollandreno.org/event/the-peanuts-gang-a-charlie-brown-christmas/ |
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