Come To The Table

A quandary to contemplate:  when a child has reached the age of majority, what can one *require* him or her to do?  One can certainly request completion of small tasks -- please empty the dishwasher, please drag the trash cans out to the curb -- that don't interfere with college schoolwork.  One can also reasonably expect attendance at significant family functions such as Christmas Eve festivities or birthday-cake-and-candle occasions.  But what of ordinary every-day moments:  can one insist that adult Offspring eat dinner with others in the family?

Well, one can insist.  But should one do so?

Herself struggles with this question.  

She wants to ensure that they have the sense of autonomy that comes with a certain age and with attending college.  She understands that the sleeping and food-related habits of college students can be sporadic and dissimilar from regular adult schedules. Still, she would like very much if they would participate a bit more in the regular activities of the household, such as by appearing in the kitchen when they are told that food is available, and sitting for a bit with the rest of the family.  That doesn't often happen, though.  

Should she insist?  Is she doing them a disservice by not demanding their presence?  If she does require attendance, what degree of irritation or resentment will come to the table concurrently? What is to be learned? And at what cost?  Family harmony appears to be better preserved by being flexible and inviting, rather than insistent. Yet is this a missed opportunity to teach the lesson that one must show up and get along, however briefly, because that is part of Life?

Herself currently attempts a method of information-and-enticement:  "We are going to eat grilled cow and then watch a Manly Action Movie.  Your company would be a welcome addition, though not a mandatory one."  And she hopes, and waits.

Come to the table, Offspring.  I will not pepper you with questions, but will enjoy your company and your wit.  Time is fleeting and life is short, and these mundane moments of communal meals build small memories onto which I will hold when, so soon, you are living your own life elsewhere.