Convergence/Control

The ottoman-shaped dog and the itty bitty dog have a comfortable relationship.  Itty bitty dog, despite her miniscule size, attempts to dominate ottoman-shaped dog.  She lets ottoman-shaped dog know this by growling or barking shrilly whenever ottoman-shaped dog approaches the person or the food that itty bitty dog is currently guarding.  Ottoman-shaped dog -- master of patience -- allows itty bitty dog to be queen and quietly goes about his business.  He does not deliberately antagonize the itty bitty dog (in contrast to large elderly oafish dog, who purposefully retrieves for herself any toys that itty bitty dog finds interesting).  He is kind to her - probably more than she deserves, considering how often she snaps at him.

Occasionally, itty bitty dog will try to interact playfully with ottoman-shaped dog.  Ottoman-shaped dog is perplexed by "playing," for he is quite a serious soul, and defuses itty bitty dog's antics by licking her tiny head.  Itty bitty dog seems to enjoy the sensation, for she closes her eyes and appears to relax.  Once recently, she even allowed him to rest his chin upon her ever so briefly when he had finished licking her noggin.  She then quickly squirmed away and ran off to pull the stuffing out of a toy.

Itty bitty dog's territoriality (which she displays not only towards ottoman-shaped dog, but also towards the humans in the household) reminded Herself a bit of our previous musings on touch in between people: itty bitty dog is vulnerable because of her diminutive size, and so, she attempts through preemptive noise to be in charge of exactly how interaction occurs. Similarly (though with far less ruckus), Herself tends to initiate physical contacts in order to manage them better. And then -- a lightbulb moment -- Herself connected these dots to other dots: nurturing as preemptive withdrawal to avoid vulnerability, as we contemplated recently. Is it all a question of taking action first, in order to have (conscious or subconscious) control? Is it all a matter of safety? Perhaps so.  

Herself wonders about the roots of such a hard-wired desire for control.  Are all people similar? When do we feel safe enough to relinquish control, for just a little while?  Do we ever? It must be exhausting, constantly refraining and restraining and suppressing oneself out of fear of hurt, while simultaneously actively attempting to exert control.  No wonder people are so often tired.

We all need the comfort of another's physical presence on occasion, and we all need to be able to be vulnerable in safety.  Such things nourish and restore the soul - both for small dogs and humans alike.