Water Yourself

As she continues to work on making arrangements for a grownup camping trip, Herself has run into a typical difficulty of parenthood. Herself has no caregiver able to come stay in her home to look after Offspring the Second and Offspring the Third, and so, they will be delivered to the caregivers' home for the selected weekend in due course.

She informed the Offspring significantly in advance; she likes to give them plenty of time to contemplate any potential disruption in routine, so that by the time it occurs, they will not be terribly crabby - or at least will be resigned to the changes from the regular schedule. The Offspring -- creatures of habit that they are-- were mildly (to medium-ly) disgruntled when she told them about the possibility of their having to spend a future weekend elsewhere besides at home, although they are adjusting to the idea.  It will be one weekend, a tiny blip in time; she knows the Offspring will manage, especially since the caregivers are lovely, fun, kind people. The Offspring always manage to rise to the occasion when need be.  They are fairly self-sufficient teenagers, and even more, they are good eggs.

Herself nevertheless feels guilty that she must momentarily uproot the Offspring and inconvenience others, solely so that she may have some time alone with adults.  She feels selfish.  Yet isn't she allowed to enjoy such an event periodically?

The Cult of Motherhood extends far beyond cloth diapers and baby-wearing and extended nursing, beyond helicopter parenting and micromanaging of schoolwork and complex schedules. One sees in the news these days -- and hears on the playground or in the grocery store -- the tales of the Super Devoted Mothers. "Oh, I wouldn't ever leave little Progeny with anyone" and "I've never used a babysitter" and "I just love being with them so much, I can't bear to leave them."  It's a kind of self-inflicted martyrdom. 

Some women (and men, too, no doubt) expect that every woman's life should revolve solely around her children.  At what cost? Piece by piece by piece, the woman's soul is given away, and her personality is entirely consumed by the needs and wants of the Children.   The woman becomes nothing, except what she is in relation to the Children.

It's like being eaten alive.

Yes, the vast majority of mothers put their children first, and that is how it should be:  first priority is the children. Oftentimes, this action means that women end up leaving their own needs and wants unattended.  Still, women do not become non-individuals once they become mothers. A woman still has -- and should have -- dreams, hopes, aspirations of her own. She has herself.  She cannot give it all away; for once the children are grown, what would be left?   Even devoted mothers should take a few molecules of time away from the children, to relax and recharge and consider themselves for a change.

A woman needs to meet her own needs on occasion. She should be able to nurture herself every now and then, without guilt - and without having to justify her decision to do so.