Touch Me (No, Don't)

Let's talk about human touch. 

Those looking for a discourse on intimate caresses can look elsewhere for today.  Rather, I'd like to address common contact between people:  for example, hugs, the often short, but incredibly vital, connections among acquaintances and friends.  How do these interactions come about?  Who initiates them?  How do we decode the meanings behind them?

Herself is what would probably be considered a "huggy" person. If she likes an individual, she does not hesitate to hug, lean upon, pat, poke, or otherwise physically interact with that person.  Sometimes she even extends physical contact to the possessions of those about whom she is particularly fond:  she will fold their jackets, hold their hats, pat their fuzzy sweaters, hand them their purses.  She readily applies bandages to small boo-boos and touches scars when they are displayed.  She is sure to embrace individuals who are stressed or suffering.  She wipes away tears.  She brushes hair out of others' eyes.   

What others may not notice, though, is that Herself is usually very careful to be the initiator of most of these physical interactions.  Oddly, Herself is often wary and sometimes quite uncomfortable when someone else initiates contact with her.  She can easily enumerate the small group of individuals from whom she welcomes an initial contact:  her Beloved; her Offspring; her pea-in-a-pod friend; her cherished friend; a very select few others.  Herself acknowledges that an initial touch from anyone other than these few exceptional people often gives her an inexplicable "oogy" feeling. 

Herself noticed this in particular during taekwondo earlier this week, when the class was practicing self-defense techniques.  She served as a demonstration model a few times, ending up flat on the mat or rendered relatively immobile by an arm-bar.  She was not injured.  She was never actually in any danger.  Yet she left the mat feeling unexpectedly unnerved.

Why was that?  Was it the sensation of not having control over the physical interaction?  While she doesn't consider herself to be the kind of person who has a strong need to be 'in control', perhaps her customary tendencies to touch others first may, in fact, be a subconscious effort to govern or manage the physical contact. 

There is also the question of vulnerability.

Herself works quite hard to be emotionally strong, to be self-sufficient, to not ask things of others.  To be comfortable with another touching her first is to be vulnerable, and there are precious few people in front of whom Herself dares be so exposed.  She is at ease only with those individuals whom she trusts not to wound her, for her heart is fragile and easily bruised.  Yet, full circle, it is this tenderness that she carries within her that motivates her to nurture others.  For she understands -- painfully clearly -- the complex mixture of fear, hope, love and need that drives us to reach out to touch one another.

Next time she sees you, she will be certain to hug you.

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow