Wednesday, February 1, 2012

What's In A Name?

Everyone has a name:  Firstname, Lastname.  Sometimes a middle name, or two.  Lots of people have nicknames as well - shortenings of names (your parent's brother Robert - "Bob's your Uncle!"), descriptive words ("Chubbs," "Beanpole"), suggestions of creatures one might resemble ("Lurch," "Oso"), diminutives  ("Little Dude") or endearments ("sweetie").  Endless permutations and possibilities.  

Herself frequently uses nicknames when addressing those around her; it is rare that she call people by their actual names when speaking to them.  In fact, the fonder she is of someone, the less likely she will use a formal name to address him or her. It's a bit peculiar.
 
Let's use the Ottoman-shaped, portly dog, Thorbert, as an example to describe this phenomenon.  Herself will refer to him by name during a conversation with another ("I was telling Thor about that delicious steak you and I had eaten"), as long as Thor is not within earshot.  If he is, she will likely use a nickname ("I told Ottoman-shaped dog about that delicious steak we had"), or include him in the conversation with a nickname or endearment ("Fatbert, remember how I was telling you about the delicious steak? You do, don't you, sweetie?")

Why is this?

Names are common property: an appellation for all to use.  Yet to her, there are aspects of certain close relationships for Herself that go far beyond that public identifier. The individual, to Herself, is more than solely a moniker; there is a form and substance to that person within Herself's mind that is much bigger than the few syllables of given names. 

It is difficult to find the right identifiers for these people because the shapes and magnitudes of their presence in her mind defy assignment of a single word.  Sometimes, she has her own unique appellations for these people within her head.  She employs epithets for them when writing; uses nicknames or endearments orally; and keeps her chosen appellations for them to herself.  (Occasionally, a serious comment will require use of one of those internal names aloud; their sparing use, solely in private, emphasizes their importance.)  It works well for her, most of the time -- until she must address these people aloud in front of others.  Then, she is stymied.  Mustn't panic! She tries to rework what she must say to avoid directly addressing them, and hopes they do not misinterpret her hesitation.

Should you happen to notice that Herself does not use your name terribly often, or pauses before doing so, do not despair.  Rather, realize that she feels a disconnect between your formal name and the appellation for you within her mind, and cannot easily switch back-and-forth.  You are important, far beyond your name.  She is glad to have you be so.

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