In The Ladies' Room

Gentlemen, take note:  the following is a discourse on some of the inner psychological workings of women.  It may be particularly helpful when you are unexpectedly faced with a vent, rant, or meltdown from a woman in your life.  You may still not know what to *do under the circumstances, but at least you will understand a bit of what is transpiring. This is dedicated, with much thanks, to those among you who, unfortunately, have been on the receiving end of such Moments.  It is your listening ears and your earnest attempts to be consoling that make all the difference.   
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Why, men wonder, do women so often visit the ladies' room together?

The men speculate that the women are talking about them.  On occasion, that may be true.  However, there are other reasons to visit the loo together, apart from taking a pee or checking one's makeup.

One primary reason:  girl bonding.

When women are together, they typically attempt to establish conversational intimacy.  To this end, the confiding of concern about a particular aspect of one's appearance is oftentimes used to establish a companionable rapport.  Women talk about their insecurities, for insecurities are commonalities that women all share.  Women then typically offer mutual support and expressions of admiration or care.  Thus reassured, the women leave the ladies' room, fortified and possibly ever-so-slightly more confident that they -- for the moment -- just might be sufficiently presentable human beings. 

Stereotypical conversation in the ladies' room may include such snippets as the following:

Woman 1:  "Ugh, my hair is being weird."
Woman 2:  "No, it looks great, so shiny."
Woman 1: "I like your jeans."
Woman 3: "I'm surprised I could stuff myself into them."
Woman 2: "No, you look tiny! I could only get half a leg into them!"
Woman 3: "Your shoes are fabulous."
Woman 2: "Thanks! I got them on sale."

And so forth. It is mundane conversation, and no doubt quite boring to an eavesdropper. Nevertheless, it is these tiny back-and-forth comments that fortify women and bind them together.

There are, however, occasional women who do not play by the unspoken guidelines of give-and-take in inter-female relationships. It is difficult for other women to know what to do with these rule-breakers.  They are upsetting.  

Herself has one long-term acquaintance who regularly diverges from the expected conversational patterns of the ladies' room.  This acquaintance has been this way for ages:  for example, a few weeks before Herself's wedding with her Beloved, Herself expressed concern to this acquaintance that Herself had not been able to exercise as much as usual due to work and last-minute wedding arrangements, so Herself was worried about fitting comfortably into her wedding dress.  The acquaintance, rather than reassuring Herself that she would look lovely and not to worry, instead stated that Herself's dress might in fact end up being too tight: "Well, so you won't be able to breathe on your wedding day."  

As it turned out, Herself need not have fretted:  she was comfortable and happy in her dress.  Still, as you can see from the fact that she recalls with clarity this conversation she had over twenty years ago, Herself was extremely bothered.  The rules had been broken:  rather than offering the reassurance that Herself needed, the acquaintance threw Herself to the wolves of self-consciousness and doubt. 

This acquaintance has not changed much in the two decades since then.  Whenever Herself attempts typical girl bonding conversation with this acquaintance, Herself frequently receives back-handed compliments, as well as instructions about what Herself should do to improve her appearance (and, occasionally as well, unsolicited advice regarding her housekeeping skills, her pet care, or even her parenting).  Herself is always surprised and disappointed, and newly self-conscious all over again.  Every time.

Perhaps Herself is excessively optimistic -- or overly naive -- in thinking the acquaintance will somehow, the next time, behave in accordance with the expected girl bonding conversation. Could it be that Herself is just being hypersensitive to what the acquaintance says?  Perhaps occasionally.  But, I think, not always; not often, even.

Is it time for Herself to give up trying to relate to this woman in the same manner as she relates to other women?  Perhaps yes.  Herself is saddened to do so, for she feels that she is giving up hope. Yet, Herself realizes she must not deliberately step before the targeting scope.  She will no doubt periodically find herself there; nevertheless, that is a different matter from purposefully placing herself there. Self-protection, once more, is paramount.

Herself is tired. And in need of some reassurance in the ladies' room.