190
2 years ago
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Healing
Wounding and healing are not opposites. They're part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others. It is our limitations that make us kind to the limitations of other people. It is our loneliness that helps us to find other people or to even know they're alone with an illness. I think I have served people perfectly with parts of myself I used to be ashamed of. ― Rachel Naomi Remen
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Gardening
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow. ― Brené Brown
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Golden Rule
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. - Grandmothers around the world
It is astonishing how much negativity can be exuded in a short amount of time, and how little pointed words can color the tone of the most benign of conversations.
Yesterday, Herself hosted a brief visit by a married couple she knows, for tea and muffins. Conversation was relatively pleasant, but there were specific moments in which the Wife in the Couple deliberately and (in Herself's opinion) unkindly challenged the Husband's statements, demeanor, or intent in speaking. Wife also was generally cynical and disparaging, with overtones of criticism. It was uncomfortable. Unpleasant. Yucky.
Moment 1: Husband in the Couple, knowing that Herself's Beloved Husband would be out of town for Valentine's Day, indicated that he would bring Herself a treat: "I'll bring you a [delectable comestible] Thursday." While speaking, he looked at Wife in the Couple, presumably (and reasonably, in Herself's sphere of reference) to elicit Wife's assistance in remembering and delivering the comestible in a few days. Wife in the Couple looked back at Husband in the Couple and protested, loudly: "For me? You mean her? Why are you looking at me then? No, it's all right, I don't expect or want that anyway." Wife continued scolding while Herself and Beloved Husband opted to discuss other matters so as not to be party to the Couple's conversation.
Moment 2: Herself, discussing aged and decrepit dog's temperamental eating habits: "I do feed [dog] by hand on occasion when she doesn't feel well. It's a good karma thing, so when I'm old and decrepit, someone will throw kibble to me, too." Wife in the Couple replied -- snidely, pejoratively, disparagingly: "Well, you hope that will happen." Wife then hung a "but it won't" clause silently in the air in the room, and waited for Herself to acknowledge it. Herself did not take the bait; she chose to respond "Yes, I do hope so," instead.
Moment 3: The conversation turned to how the neighbors recently redid the floor in their garage. It looks nice and has sealed their garage well. Husband in the Couple commented, "That's something we've been thinking about doing." Wife in the Couple snapped: "I just want to make it clear that it isn't something WE have been thinking of doing. It's something HE has been thinking of doing." Herself felt compelled to point out that Wife would also benefit from the garage floor treatment. The Wife scoffed and rolled her eyes.
Sigh.
These conversations make Herself tired. She feels an obligation -- or rather, a NEED -- to stand up for the Husband in the Couple; he is a kind, thoughtful, helpful man, and it pains Herself tremendously to hear Wife speak to him in such an unkind and deliberately antagonistic manner. Herself also is easily wearied by the pessimism thrown about by the Wife. Herself fully understands that life is difficult, that bad things happen without reason or solution, that people can be uncaring or cruel, and that the possibility fully exists that she may one day end up neglected and unfed in the corner of some nursing home somewhere. Herself chooses, though, to hope for the best and to treat others as she herself would like to be treated: to be kind; to build others up, rather than to chop them down; to be positive and encouraging. Even when Herself falls into the Void, she tries her very best to shine a light beyond her edges.
Life is short. Life is hard. She can try to make it better for others, and particularly for those she loves.
The Golden Rule. It works for Herself.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
It is astonishing how much negativity can be exuded in a short amount of time, and how little pointed words can color the tone of the most benign of conversations.
Yesterday, Herself hosted a brief visit by a married couple she knows, for tea and muffins. Conversation was relatively pleasant, but there were specific moments in which the Wife in the Couple deliberately and (in Herself's opinion) unkindly challenged the Husband's statements, demeanor, or intent in speaking. Wife also was generally cynical and disparaging, with overtones of criticism. It was uncomfortable. Unpleasant. Yucky.
Moment 1: Husband in the Couple, knowing that Herself's Beloved Husband would be out of town for Valentine's Day, indicated that he would bring Herself a treat: "I'll bring you a [delectable comestible] Thursday." While speaking, he looked at Wife in the Couple, presumably (and reasonably, in Herself's sphere of reference) to elicit Wife's assistance in remembering and delivering the comestible in a few days. Wife in the Couple looked back at Husband in the Couple and protested, loudly: "For me? You mean her? Why are you looking at me then? No, it's all right, I don't expect or want that anyway." Wife continued scolding while Herself and Beloved Husband opted to discuss other matters so as not to be party to the Couple's conversation.
Moment 2: Herself, discussing aged and decrepit dog's temperamental eating habits: "I do feed [dog] by hand on occasion when she doesn't feel well. It's a good karma thing, so when I'm old and decrepit, someone will throw kibble to me, too." Wife in the Couple replied -- snidely, pejoratively, disparagingly: "Well, you hope that will happen." Wife then hung a "but it won't" clause silently in the air in the room, and waited for Herself to acknowledge it. Herself did not take the bait; she chose to respond "Yes, I do hope so," instead.
Moment 3: The conversation turned to how the neighbors recently redid the floor in their garage. It looks nice and has sealed their garage well. Husband in the Couple commented, "That's something we've been thinking about doing." Wife in the Couple snapped: "I just want to make it clear that it isn't something WE have been thinking of doing. It's something HE has been thinking of doing." Herself felt compelled to point out that Wife would also benefit from the garage floor treatment. The Wife scoffed and rolled her eyes.
Sigh.
These conversations make Herself tired. She feels an obligation -- or rather, a NEED -- to stand up for the Husband in the Couple; he is a kind, thoughtful, helpful man, and it pains Herself tremendously to hear Wife speak to him in such an unkind and deliberately antagonistic manner. Herself also is easily wearied by the pessimism thrown about by the Wife. Herself fully understands that life is difficult, that bad things happen without reason or solution, that people can be uncaring or cruel, and that the possibility fully exists that she may one day end up neglected and unfed in the corner of some nursing home somewhere. Herself chooses, though, to hope for the best and to treat others as she herself would like to be treated: to be kind; to build others up, rather than to chop them down; to be positive and encouraging. Even when Herself falls into the Void, she tries her very best to shine a light beyond her edges.
Life is short. Life is hard. She can try to make it better for others, and particularly for those she loves.
The Golden Rule. It works for Herself.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Miley Jolene
We have Miley Cyrus' cover of Dolly Parton's heartbreaking song of a plea to a rival -- Jolene -- from her Backyard Sessions stuck in our heads. We hadn't given much thought to Miley Cyrus previously, thinking her to be nothing more than a pop-culture mediocrity. Perhaps, though, we have misjudged her. We shall endeavor to keep an open mind in the future.
Connect
We have been watching more of The Big Bang Theory. It is cleverly written and entertaining, and is a welcome diversion while Herself struggles with the elliptical trainer. The characters are somewhat caricatures, but they hearken back to individuals Herself knew in college, which makes them all the more familiar and humorous.
There's a current subplot that makes Herself just a teeny bit squeamish, though: one of the main male characters has recently begun dating a woman who is revealing herself to be needy and fearful of breakup, and so she uses sex as a tool/weapon to try to keep the man interested in continuing the relationship. It makes Herself uneasy and sad, because it is all too often that young women do so; and yet, it it inevitable that a relationship maintained in such a manner will crash and burn, harming the woman's perceived self-worth in the process. She hopes that the young women watching the show perhaps will learn something -- such as what not to do -- from the exaggerated portrayal.
It should be noted that this subplot is part of a greater overarching focus of the show: the desire of the main characters to find someone with whom to have sex.
Herself realizes that the characters are intended to be single and in their late 20s, and understands that the particular demographic portrayed would indeed likely focus on finding a sexual partner. By the time she was in her late 20s, though, Herself was married with two small children and a high-powered job to support the family. She really can't put herself into the shoes of the characters at all. Furthermore, even if, by some terrible twist of fate, she were to become single now, she still cannot imagine. No hook-ups or hopping into bed with someone on the first date or within the first few weeks of beginning to date. Just - no.
She knows other people see things differently, and doesn't judge anyone for taking an opportunity to spend naked time with someone they find attractive even though she wouldn't necessarily do so herself. Perhaps it is due to her age, her inherent self-consciousness, or her recognition of her physical flaws -- she knows that she would decline a romp in the hay (as it were) if the occasion arose. Perhaps, though, it is an acknowledgement of her own needs: for her, physical intimacy requires a fairly high level of emotional connection in advance.
In other words: she needs Love first.
She might be a bit of an idealist. Or old-fashioned, some might say. That's fine with her. She understands her own needs, and that understanding is what is important to her.
A little love can go a long way.
There's a current subplot that makes Herself just a teeny bit squeamish, though: one of the main male characters has recently begun dating a woman who is revealing herself to be needy and fearful of breakup, and so she uses sex as a tool/weapon to try to keep the man interested in continuing the relationship. It makes Herself uneasy and sad, because it is all too often that young women do so; and yet, it it inevitable that a relationship maintained in such a manner will crash and burn, harming the woman's perceived self-worth in the process. She hopes that the young women watching the show perhaps will learn something -- such as what not to do -- from the exaggerated portrayal.
It should be noted that this subplot is part of a greater overarching focus of the show: the desire of the main characters to find someone with whom to have sex.
Herself realizes that the characters are intended to be single and in their late 20s, and understands that the particular demographic portrayed would indeed likely focus on finding a sexual partner. By the time she was in her late 20s, though, Herself was married with two small children and a high-powered job to support the family. She really can't put herself into the shoes of the characters at all. Furthermore, even if, by some terrible twist of fate, she were to become single now, she still cannot imagine. No hook-ups or hopping into bed with someone on the first date or within the first few weeks of beginning to date. Just - no.
She knows other people see things differently, and doesn't judge anyone for taking an opportunity to spend naked time with someone they find attractive even though she wouldn't necessarily do so herself. Perhaps it is due to her age, her inherent self-consciousness, or her recognition of her physical flaws -- she knows that she would decline a romp in the hay (as it were) if the occasion arose. Perhaps, though, it is an acknowledgement of her own needs: for her, physical intimacy requires a fairly high level of emotional connection in advance.
In other words: she needs Love first.
She might be a bit of an idealist. Or old-fashioned, some might say. That's fine with her. She understands her own needs, and that understanding is what is important to her.
A little love can go a long way.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Flexibility
The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm. - Confucius
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