Hard Desert

There's a possibility that, if the stars align and certain things do (or do not) come to pass, that I might be able to make a trip to visit Cherished Friend soon. 

I am trying not to anticipate. Because we all know that the Universe frowns upon Making Plans. 

And I am trying, too, not to think about the fact that if I do go, I will once more arrive on his doorstep fairly exhausted, self-conscious, and feeling... Not My Best Self. Old. Fat and Tired and still Grieving my Father, worn out from work and Responsibility and Nebulous Daily Worry. A Burden.

It makes me sad. I hope that some day, I can visit him with enthusiasm and cheerfulness. As a Better Me. 

The good part, though, is that he is Rain in the Desert. And perhaps, if I can let go, I can be a Better Me for the time I spend in Oceanside.