Sometimes, Miracles Do Happen

And you DO get to go places. 

Kitten

Mood.

Teamwork

Cookie: make a huge honking mess by digging out the spare litter box.

Poppy: lie down in the mess.

Delightful!

Cozy

The way the buns enjoy being all up-close-and-personal with each other is always very endearing. 

Ginger Snaps

Happy Thanksgiving.

Meow

One of the kitties likes to sit on me on occasion. And I feel a little better, knowing that my aura is not so very sad/grim that it would scare away a small fur friend.

Good kitty. 

Spidey-Meme

Cardboard Chickens

 Herself speaks.

We're approaching the holiday season, and I am in full flashback mode to last year's holidays. Right now, I contemplate Thanksgiving, which I spent with my mother and my father (for his very last Thanksgiving), away from Beloved Husband for the very first time in the thirty-plus years that we've been married (who had a lovely time for the holiday with his mother and one of his siblings and their family and Offspring the Third for the holiday). 

I don't know what to do with all the Grief that has bubbled back up. I didn't actually take care of the Feelings last year since there was so much more to come so there was no time to do anything except to box everything up and put it away for later, and now I am finding Feelings amidst the holiday decoration boxes and I am overwhelmed all over again, can I just box it all back up and pretend the Feelings don't exist? 

We all know that's unwise. Those boxes are going to come home to roost, square ugly cardboard metaphorical chickens of Sorrow and Grief and Anger and Loss and Loneliness, perched next to the Thanksgiving cornucopia, settled in on the Christmas tree branches, wearing New Year's hats. 

Help. 

So many cardboard chickens. 

I searched for "cardboard chicken" and found a YouTube tutorial for making a cardboard chicken mailbox. Maybe I should do this. If for no other reason than it will take my mind off of things for a few moments. 

Tornado

Moo.

Voice

I'm working on it. It is a slow process, and I am not sure I will ever get there. It's important to try, though.

 

Plants

Accurate.

The Memes Have It

Because I allowed myself to anticipate my Plans, and now am suffering the repercussions of thwarted Hope, I'm going to step back for a bit and allow my trove of memes to entertain us for a while. Some are funny, some are heartfelt, and all have a little kernel of meaning, whether silly or deep. 

Let us begin. 

Island

Although I had hoped to be making a pilgrimage to Oceanside, the Universe has conspired against me, and I am in fact going nowhere except for Disappointment Island.

I knew I was taking a risk in making Plans. But the odds were in my favor, based in past experience, so I rolled the dice. And alas. I lost. 

I am so very tired of my hamster wheel of Grief and Responsibility. I wanted a few days of respite, in the company of one of my favorite people, someone who does not add to the Grief and Responsibility. Apparently, though, that was Too Much To Ask.

I have rescheduled my aspirations. (They are no longer "Plans.") I am bitterly certain that the Universe will conspire to thwart me again in the future, however, because I have allowed Despair to sit at my table and Hope has left to go and sulk elsewhere. 

I cannot have nice things, and tonight, there is no consolation to be found. 

We will just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings. 

Hard Desert

There's a possibility that, if the stars align and certain things do (or do not) come to pass, that I might be able to make a trip to visit Cherished Friend soon. 

I am trying not to anticipate. Because we all know that the Universe frowns upon Making Plans. 

And I am trying, too, not to think about the fact that if I do go, I will once more arrive on his doorstep fairly exhausted, self-conscious, and feeling... Not My Best Self. Old. Fat and Tired and still Grieving my Father, worn out from work and Responsibility and Nebulous Daily Worry. A Burden.

It makes me sad. I hope that some day, I can visit him with enthusiasm and cheerfulness. As a Better Me. 

The good part, though, is that he is Rain in the Desert. And perhaps, if I can let go, I can be a Better Me for the time I spend in Oceanside. 

Yes, Please, That Would Be Lovely