Kindness

 Herself speaks.

The most remarkable thing about Daddy's passing away: the pure kindness from other people.

I couldn't figure out at first why this was somehow so surprising to me. It's not that I expected people to be mean. Perhaps I expected people to be more indifferent? I'm not sure what I was expecting, to be honest. People have reached out to offer condolences, and have said thoughtful and meaningful things. And they don't expect anything from me, as far as I can discern. 

Perhaps that is the strangest part. On the whole, people don't communicate with me, unless they want something from me. So to have someone send an email or a letter solely to express sympathy for my loss, seems very unusual. 

It also brings to mind something that worries me a little bit right now -- I am not particularly able to be giving right now. I am preoccupied, grieving, self-centered. I do not have a lot to offer other people. And there's that teeny little fear way down inside: will the people who are important to me, abandon me because I have so little to give right now? Perhaps this is what Death does: it makes us fear loss more. 

And so I'm grateful for these kindnesses, because they are reassurances that perhaps I do have some value to others, independent of my ability to do anything for other people right now. 

Thank you, kind people.