A follow-on to "To Feel".
Herself speaks.
There is an acquaintance I have known for a very long time, who often uses feeling-based words to draw sympathy and/or attention to themselves. This person likes to mention, for example, how a news article affected them personally: I read this and just wept about it. Or, for example, how the obesity of a stranger they encountered in a public location is problematic, because I worry so much about their health. They also like to talk about the lives of their peers and their peers' children, detailing the misfortunes and/or the decisionmaking that has led to the described person's allegedly less-than-perfect lives. These statements and conversations are always accompanied by/peppered with their personal feelings about other people's behaviors and activities. They also like to unexpectedly spring questions -- don't you miss [deceased pet's name]? -- and then add their own feelings about the deceased pet in question.
It's... unpleasant.
Perhaps I would just chalk up all these things to the acquaintance being an emotionally-driven person, if it weren't for the fact that so much of it seems to have other motives: sometimes, it seems to be designed to shine a spotlight on the acquaintance, or to criticize other people under the guise of concern, or sometimes even to shock or to provoke the listener into responding in a particular way. Also, history indicates that the acquaintance is, in fact, disinclined to be supportive when other people experience difficult feelings.
It's a lot to digest and to try to understand.
Rather than asking, how to I support acquaintance when they experience feelings in my presence (because it's not support that the acquaintance desires), the question instead becomes, how do I best protect myself from the verbal onslaught and not get drawn into Drama?
Grey Rock seems best.
Grey Rock-ing is exhausting. Yet it is better than showing any emotional reaction, because any possible vulnerability will be exploited. I don't want that. No one wants that.
Sometimes, I think about what it would be like to discuss a feeling in an ordinary sort of way, without a spotlight, without fear of All The Emotions Escaping, just to acknowledge it with the support of another person, and then to let it go. Given the current Pandemic climate, that seems almost like a fantasy. Perhaps, someday, we will get there again.
*
No comments:
Post a Comment