Herself speaks.
My work computer was replaced yesterday. Exciting! (And a welcome change, given that I had to reboot the old computer three separate times the day before, just to be able to print.) Super fancy! slick new screens, and so very speedy! Nice.
On my old work computer, I had used a photograph from a lovely camping trip (this one from two years ago) as the background. I needed a photo for the background of my new computer, and so I opened up the photo folder on my phone and began to scroll through, looking for something suitable. And interspersed with a multitude of pictures of Tiny Dog and New Old Dog, were photos that suddenly seemed unbearable to look at.
Photos from the last Zoom call with my siblings and my parents, capturing all of us on one screen. Photos from college reunions, with long-ago-familiar buildings behind the smiling faces of people whom I will not see until the next reunions - three or four years from now. And photos of Cherished Friend, which he kindly allowed to be taken despite his loathing of the camera, from the morning when he left for New Places.
The Pandemic rages on, and I don't know when it will be safe for me to see any of these people in person again. I think my heart is broken. Again.
I am tired of social isolation. I am enraged by the people who cannot be bothered to wear a mask correctly (or at all) -- who make it unsafe to do mundane things like go to the store for necessities, or take the car for routine maintenance. I am lonely. I am uncomfortable during interactions with other people. I don't know what to do to feel better.
I am sad.
I wonder how things will unfold in the months/years to come.
We shall see.
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