Support

[Note: this was written several days ago, before the internet at the house died. It's not particularly pertinent at this very moment; nevertheless, since it has been written, it is deserving of being posted.]

Herself speaks.

Sometimes, I bump up against impossibilities.

There are times when I would like conversation, consolation, encouragement, or even just diversion from another person. There are very few people to whom I turn in those times; they are, each and every one, Good People. They are also Busy People; People who have their own agendas and their own activities and desires. They are sometimes just not available, and it is not possible -- for whatever reason -- for them to come to my aid.

Philosophically, I understand that there are times when they cannot support me in the way I need. A problem remains, however, because their unavailability does not negate my need. And though it is not their intention, I feel... abandoned.

I do not know quite what to do under those circumstances. There is that tiny voice inside that cries out, help me, and I do not know how to soothe that tiny voice. I am not Enough. And yet, when I am the only one who hears that cry, I must be Enough.

One of my goals for 2019: to learn how to be Enough for myself.

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Tonight's earworm:  Sia, Breathe Me.

Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, I'm needy
Warm me up and breathe me