Holiday Hugs

Herself speaks.

We're quite close to the beginning of Holiday Season now: it kicks off with Thanksgiving in just a couple of days, and marches through the end of November into December, all the way to Christmas and then to New Year's Eve, trailing to quiet end at the beginning of January. It's a lot of activity for under six weeks. 

There are many things I enjoy about this Season: cooking a big meal; finding just the right gift for someone; twinkling lights, evergreens, and bows from the presents stuck all over the dog. There is one tricky aspect of the season, though:  all the hugging.

I would like to be a huggy person: the type of person who is comfortable with hugging, patting, casually offering affection in the form of touch to those around them. I am stifled, though, by two factors: a concern that certain people around me are most decidedly not huggy people in general, and a subtler, yet more problematic, concern that people do not want to be touche by me in particular.

I'm quite aware of this issue because I only like to be touched by certain people, and even then, it varies whether am comfortable if I initiate the contact, or whether I prefer the other person to do so. I don't want to intrude on the physical space of those who prefer to have a larger personal space bubble, and want to give them the opportunity to initiate contact if they are interested, and not to do so if they would prefer so. 

In addition, there are also specific people by whom I prefer not to be touched at all, even though social convention requires that we exchange polite brief physical contact. And I find myself wondering, are there people who feel the same way about me -- obligated, yet inwardly cringing? That would be terrible. I don't want that. And so I refrain from touching others more often than I might otherwise, lest I intrude into personal space where I am definitely not wanted. If I am brave enough to contact someone, I watch each tentative touch carefully for signs of annoyance or discomfort. And I worry that I offend. 

Behind it all, too, is the need to be touched with kindness. 

I wish the simple act of human contact were less fraught. 

I might need a hug.