Herself speaks.
Earlier this week, a woman with whom I work brought me this wee critter. She knows that I am overloaded with A Million Different Projects right now, and thought it would cheer me.
It did. Thank you, lovely coworker.
I confess that I have very mixed feelings when kindnesses are bestowed upon me. My first thought is to feel guilty that I am not the one delivering kindnesses; my second thought is to be concerned that I have let slip some sign that I am not handling all my Many Things as well as I should -- shown some sort of vulnerability -- that has occasioned the kindness, and that I might thus be in some sort of danger by virtue of such a display of vulnerability. There might be some background feelings of I'm not worthy floating in there, too.
Perhaps one day, I will simply be pleased and grateful, without all the clutter of negative feelings. I look forward to that day.
*
I love to do things for others unbidden... especially when I know they are stressed and can use an acknowledgement that they are good, decent people. And it makes me nervous, too, when others do for me. I try to remind myself: accepting the kindness as just a kindness is a gift, too...
ReplyDeleteVery true. Thank you for this reminder. <3
Delete