Although we have been quietly mindful for years of the possibility that Cherished Friend might move away from this desert land, the actuality of his imminent leaving is still difficult to grasp completely. It is such a tangled mix of sentiments: genuine happiness for him in finding the right work, and excitement for him as he ventures out to new terrain and new people and new adventures, juxtaposed with self-pity for our loss of his company and fear of the void that will be left in our ordinary lives.
Herself knows that Beloved Husband and Offspring the Third have their own shades and shapes of grief about Cherished Friend's leaving, but has been so suffused with her own bereavement that she has been unable to determine how to assuage theirs. She is mired. She knows she is being selfish and self-centered. Look beyond yourself, child.
Yet she has had tremendous difficulty seeing past the date of his departure. A creature of habit and pattern, she is quite unsettled by the knowledge that the future crossings of their paths are unfixed and uncertain. She must now establish different daily routines, and find ways of bridging distance and time. That will take patience, and tolerance for the Unknown.
Alas.
Knowing that the future is clouded by both the shifting possibilities of time and the veil of her sorrow, she momentarily opts instead to look backwards and recollect moments to strengthen her when she moves forward.
There is so much to see. She is grateful.
Her grief burns cleanly, white-hot, and the smoke clears from the road ahead.
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