Some days are good. There are darting and captivating fishes in the blue of the ocean; there are glorious plants in the botanical gardens; there are kitties who play like large live dust bunnies in the middle of the floor; and there are people -- ordinary, wonderful people -- just waiting to be captured by your camera. Physical pain can be ignored, for there is so much beauty in the world, that it lessens the aches. These are the good days, indeed.
And then, there are other days. Days when loneliness looms large and ominous -- a hunkering, foul-breathed entity -- and it seems, frighteningly, to be the sole creature aware of one's existence.
Do not be afraid. Loneliness is not an enemy. It is part of all of us.
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. ― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
It is the most sensitive souls who feel loneliness the most acutely -- they are all too aware of being "other." When the tunneling of loneliness has opened new channels into their souls, it is tempting for them to try to find other people to fill those spaces. Yet when these souls observe the other people, it is clear that other people are immersed in their own worlds, doing their own things at their own pace and in their own time. The sensitive souls feel painfully disconnected. They search for that thin silver thread of connection with the other people, and are disappointed, frustrated, and incredibly saddened when not even a flicker of sunlight reflects off the thread to show it is there.
For these souls, it is possible to feel alone even in a room full of people.
It's a bitter thought: being alone. And yet, the truth is: every one of us is alone.
You are unique. That is awesome -- in an "inducing awe" sense -- and beautiful. And terrifying.
What to do? Travel within yourself. Look at the corners and hidden places. You will find beauty there -- just as you find beauty through the lens of your camera.
All you can ever achieve is a sense of your soul. You gain little glimpses of its light, colors, and contours. You feel the inspiration of its possibilities and the wonder of its mysteries. ― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
Your possibilities and your mysteries hold the clues to your purpose here on this earth. Finding one's purpose is the most difficult task one will ever encounter; many -- most, even -- people will not ever learn of, or understand, their exact purpose in clear terms. The best we can do is to have faith: faith in ourselves, and our purposes, however incomprehensible or invisible they might seem.
Purpose is not always a Mount Kilimanjaro -- sometimes, it is a thousand anthills across a wide parched plain. There may be minuscule happenings, such as that moment that you made quiet small talk with a fragile, yearning soul while waiting at a doctor's office or in an airport, that change the course of humanity in some small, ineffable way. You may never be aware of the tremendous impact you have. But that doesn't mean that the impact doesn't exist. It does. And the world is grateful for you.
It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. ― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP
I know that in the fullness of time, you will catch glimpses of what it is that helps you feel needed, purposeful, and in communion with other people. It may be enormous, or it may be tiny. in the grand scheme of the Universe, though, size is unimportant. It is you that is important.
Truly.
Photograph copyright AEP, 2013. Used with gratitude.
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