Lockdown

A pseudonym is used herein to protect the privacy of a local young man. 

Yesterday morning, there were helicopters flying over the neighborhood.  Many helicopters, close by.  The noise of the rotors began to be apparent mid-morning, and continued until just after 1 PM.  Herself wondered why they were there; yet she was busy with various tasks inside, and so, did not go outside to look or investigate.

Early yesterday afternoon, the phone rang.  It was a message from the automated system for the school district.  The local middle school -- which Offspring the Third attends, a half-mile from the house -- as well as the adjacent grade school had been momentarily put into lockdown earlier.  No reason for execution of the security procedure was given.  Herself thought of the helicopters, and checked the local newspaper website.  A brief article appeared, indicating that the lockdown had occurred, that one man was in custody, and that the man would be receiving a medical evaluation. Oh, dear.

Offspring the Third arrived home from school shortly thereafter.  "Did you hear about the lockdown?" he asked right away. 

"I did, I got the message from the school phone system, but they didn't say what happened. Do you know?"  

"They said a man was running around the neighborhood with a shotgun, threatening to kill himself.  They said it was a half mile from school, and I was worried about you because that is right where we live."  

"It's all OK now. He is in custody and they'll get him the help he needs."

Herself was surprised and dismayed at the thought of Offspring the Third worrying about her.  Children should not have to worry about their parents. The time for that should not come until they are grown and their parents are old -- not when they are barely teenagers. 

---

In the late evening, Offspring the Second came through the kitchen where Herself was sitting with Beloved Husband as he ate a late dinner.  Offspring the Second nudged Herself quietly and left the kitchen.  Herself understood and followed him.

He was sitting on a couch in the front room.  He looked stricken.  He said, ever so quietly, "The man who caused the lockdown -- was Guy."

Oh, Guy.

Guy and Offspring the Second were very close friends in grade school.  They have grown apart, as many friends do over time.  Yet they are still amicable.  Guy and his family live quite nearby, and Herself drives past their house a half-dozen times a week, if not more. 

Herself knew that she needed to offer comfort, reassurance somehow.  She told Offspring the Second that it's probable under the circumstances that Guy is having mental health issues or drug addiction issues, and she let Offspring the Second know that if it was allowed and if he would like, they could certainly arrange for him to visit Guy.  She told him that if there was anything he could think of that they could do for Guy's family, to just say the word, and it would be done.  Offspring the Second nodded, and then went back to his homework.  

Herself took Beloved Husband aside and quietly told him.  Beloved Husband looked devastated.  Heartbreaking, to see perpetually-upbeat Beloved Husband so distressed.  

Oh, Guy.

---

This morning, Herself weighed the odds that Offspring the Third would hear more about the lockdown.  It was likely that rumors or other information would be floating around in the student body at the middle school.  She knew she needed to talk with him.

She didn't want to tell him that it was Guy (whom he knows as an old friend of his brother) - she didn't know whether that would become public knowledge, and she certainly didn't want Offspring the Third to be the source of that knowledge being made public. So she let Offspring the Third know that the man is a young man who went to Offspring the Second's high school. She told him that it was possible that the man had been dabbling in drugs, and that he might have mental health issues as well.  She noted to him that there were two lessons to take from the situation:  first, to avoid drugs; and second, to remember that many people struggle with mental health problems, and that it is important to be understanding when they do.  

She further told him that individuals who want to kill themselves are usually in a great deal of mental pain, and that while some people think it’s selfish to want to kill oneself (to which he said, “WHAT? WHY?”) because they think the suicidal person is only thinking of themselves, it’s important to remember that someone in that much mental pain may genuinely feel the world is better off without them because they can’t see how much they are loved.

She asked him, as he strapped on his bicycle helmet to go to school, to keep an open mind and an open heart if he heard more at school today, and to try to set an example for his peers – not to judge, but to be kind.

That was a conversation that she never anticipated she would need to have. 

Later, when she and Offspring the Second were on the way to the high school, Herself let him know what she'd told (and hadn't told) Offspring the Third.  She wanted Offspring the Second to know that she did not judge Guy, that she looked on Guy with kindness and understanding.  She wants to be sure that if Offspring the Second -- or someone close to him -- struggles, that he knows she will be an ally.  Every teen should have faith that an adult will be there for them when the chips are all down.

---

When an anonymous man with a shotgun threatens to shoot himself near a school and the police swoop in, our thoughts go to dark and terrible places.  "Let him," we are tempted to think.  We remember Sandy Hook and we are still raw and fearful and wonder, what if the man's anger turned outward into the community rather than inward toward himself?  We cannot bear the thought.  The anonymous man is disturbed, unsafe, we think; thank goodness they took him away. 

And then, the anonymous man turns out to be an 18 year old man-child, the same age as one of Herself's own Offspring, a boy who once upon a time ate pizza and played his guitar in Herself's garage.  The impersonal is made very, very personal.  We are brokenhearted.

We think of Guy's friends, of his family, and cannot imagine the distress of seeing one's loved one suffer with inner demons that have burst forth in such a manner.  Herself thinks particularly of his mother, who is a smart, kind, no-nonsense, helpful and practical woman. She is a good person. A good mother. She loves him. We bleed for her, and for her child.

Not anonymous; rather, one of us.    

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world.- Frank Warren

Picture copyright 2013, Mediocria Firma. Used with gratitude.