Our Mrs. Reynolds

We have been watching Firefly.  We love this show.  It is quite a pity that it lasted such a short while.  We still have eight more episodes to go, and hope that they are just as entertaining as the first six. 

The episode we viewed last night, Our Mrs. Reynolds, was particularly amusing for its entertaining and innuendo-laden dialog. One of the best lines was rendered as an explanation as to why a man found a woman irresistable:   "But she was naked! And all... articulate!" Excellent. 

One moment in the story bears a little bit of further thought.  A woman who has prepared dinner for a man, tells another woman (a wife), "Everything's laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband." The wife gives her husband The Look and he nervously dismisses the statement as being "quaint." Shortly thereafter, the husband inquires again regarding the dinner, and the wife quips sternly, "remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?"

It was quite comically rendered. I still laugh aloud to think of it.  Hilarity aside, though, there are two aspects of the scene that I'd like to address, because, alas, I am a perpetually serious individual.  Not humorless, certainly, but rather excessively contemplative at times.

First, a disclaimer/caveat/preamble:  I am lucky in that I live in an era in which women are not held in thrall to men of their household (fathers, brothers, husbands), and are free to pursue careers and interests outside of homemaking.  Women can be strong, powerful, and independent.  This is good; and it colors my point of view tremendously, as you will see.

Point one - the wife's final line regarding sex:  though it was funny on television, I do not believe that such a comment would, in fact, be amusing in actual life.  I strongly dislike any statement, either direct or implied, by one partner regarding withholding physical affection from another partner because of a displeasing action or statement. Sex (or the withholding thereof) should not be used as a weapon or as a source of barter, or as a bribe/threat to force or coerce a partner into behaving, or not behaving, in a certain way.  That's manipulative and wrong.

I know some people may disagree.  Others are entitled to their opinions and to their own practices in and out of the bedroom. I know that a sexual relationship between two partners is always an extremely complex dance with endless nuance and details, many of which may be subconscious. Nevertheless, my opinion on this matter is quite strong and unwavering - to withhold physical touch in such a contriving manner, for me, is unacceptable.

Point two - the implication that a wife cooking for her husband (which I shall generalize here as a woman cooking for a man) is demeaning to the woman:  sigh.  There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to care for another person.  To assume or suggest that a woman's willingness to wait on a man is somehow 'beneath her', imposes upon her a particular set of assumptions which may not be true. Surely it is possible for a woman to attend to a man - even to deliberately choose to do so - without being considered subservient?  What if she derives pleasure and happiness from looking after him?  Is it somehow mutually exclusive for a woman to be strong and independent, and to be nurturing?

Perhaps it is a matter of expectations.  To expect a woman to perform certain tasks -- cooking, cleaning, other undertakings traditionally thought of as 'women's work' -- can be inappropriate, or even insulting under certain circumstances.  On the other hand, to accept that a woman may actually do so voluntarily, is respectful of her decisions and demonstrates gratitude for her actions. Where is the harm?

I am sure that there are a million opinions on this matter, and it could be debated endlessly if all the permutations of culture and personal experience were considered.  Again, though, for me, a woman should be able to cook for a man without an overhanging cloud of an assumption that it is somehow unacceptable for her to do so.  Both can benefit.  That is a good thing.

Those are my thoughts for today.  Would you like a sandwich?  I would be happy to make one for you.