Waiting

So much of our lives is spent in waiting.

Herself spends a great deal of time in waiting for her Beloved. It has always been this way.

In the beginning, they dated only a month before moving 2,000 miles away from one another. Then the waiting began. Waiting for the mail; waiting for a phone call; waiting three months, or more, for a visit. Waiting for a knock on the door. Waiting to travel for a visit. Waiting for the plane. Waiting at the airport. Waiting, waiting.

After over three years, they were married and together at last. Hallelujah! The waiting was over.

But, no. It was not.

She learned that there is waiting in marriage, too. Waiting for her Beloved to come home from work. Waiting for him to come home from business trips. Waiting for him to come home from board meetings, group meetings, meeting meetings. Waiting for him to finish big projects. Waiting for him to put away work for the evening. Waiting for him to rest so he can be awake when they spend time together. Waiting for him to find the time to spend with her.

Waiting for his undivided attention.

Waiting has taken on different forms over the years. When the Offspring were small, waiting was consumed by the physical labor of tiny children: diapering, carrying, reading, consoling, bathing, carrying again. Mercifully, this work required enough mental energy that she could avoid thinking about the time spent in waiting.

As the Offspring have grown, waiting has mutated into a much more difficult beast to tame. The Offspring have their interests, their friends, their activities. Oftentimes they do not require much from Herself, except for meals, laundry or transportation. Herself has far more time to think about the waiting as she waits.

Thinking is dangerous in the waiting game, for in it, there is remembering of how much she enjoys spending time with him, recalling of the difficulty of past waitings, and watching as the creeping loneliness grows.

Herself fills her time. She works. She makes muffins, she plays her piano. She listens to music. She peruses the internet. She writes. She tends to the Offspring and the pets. Yet, her longing for time with her Beloved is never far away.

She does her best to occupy her time, and mostly, she is successful. The taekwondo gym and her friends are an enormous solace. Yet, there come the moments when she must leave the gym and go home, knowing her Beloved is not yet there. The spectre of waiting again raises its ugly head, and the weight of the longing for his undivided attention is almost unbearable.

Her greatest frustration is that she cannot change the circumstances in which she finds herself. She knows that he works very hard, and has many obligations. She does not resent his work or his obligations - she is very proud of him for all that he does. She is saddened, though, because she knows that he cannot enlarge the portion of his time that he spends with her.

She hopes that one day, the work and obligation burdens that her Beloved carries will be smaller, and that her time with him will increase. She tries hard to enjoy and appreciate the time they do spend together. And in the meanwhile she waits, as patiently as she can.

If you have a moment to talk with her, to give her your undivided attention, or otherwise keep her company, it would benefit her enormously as she waits. A hug would comfort her, too.

She needs more help to get through the waiting than she will ever admit.