Herself recently had some lively discussions with a small group of her internet ladyfriends. These women have known each other for years; they first met ages ago on one of the Moms Online message boards of AOL. They have since gravitated to Facebook where they have a "Secret Group" in which they post with one another. Some of the ladies have met in person, though many have not. They are intelligent, thoughtful, humorous. Their support for one another, despite living in different places around the country and mostly never having laid eyes on one another, is steadfast and unwavering. They can discuss all kinds of topics, from children, to husbands, to jobs, to health, to social and political questions.
Of course, when a bunch of ladies gets together, the conversation periodically turns to Men and (of course) sex. Some of the ladies are single, and others are married; nevertheless, they all engage in speculation regarding certain comely men -- e.g., various actors or other well-known individuals -- and their physical attributes, and whether such men might be good physical partners (so to speak). There are varying opinions regarding eye color, hair style, and presence or absence of facial hair, as well as regarding the importance of particular body parts: hands, arms, legs, shoulders, butts.
(And yes, there have been a few brief excursions into their thoughts on The Manly Package. While I shall exercise discretion and not go into significant anatomical detail, for those who are wondering, the consensus was: that's not particularly important. At all. Should you require more details on this particular issue, though, you'll have to ask Herself in person.)
For our edification, I present a few of the bits of information I gleaned from listening in on those discussions.
What is it that makes a man attractive? I have learned that a distinction should be drawn between handsome and attractive. These are, in fact, entirely different things. Much like the relationship between squares and rectangles - all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares - attractive men are handsome, but not all handsome men are attractive.
What is handsome? Aesthetically pleasing. Visually striking. Easy on the eyes. Hooty hoo!
The actual factors that go into a determination of handsomeness vary tremendously. Science has made an attempt to define beauty/handsomeness by pointing to symmetry of features and form as well as to physical attributes suggestive of fertility or successful survival strategies. Many of these judgments are likely subconscious and biological. There's no way to define handsome adequately; women just know it when they see it. As you no doubt realize, too, who is considered handsome differs from woman to woman.
Handsome is nebulous; but what about attractive? Attractiveness is that overarching quality that inspires a woman to consider a man as a potential partner. It is so much more than mere handsomeness.
Perhaps unexpectedly, attractiveness most vitally includes modesty. Fewer things are less attractive than a man who thinks highly of, or is too quick to display, his own handsomeness (whether real or self-perceived). What might work for the peacock does not yield similar success in humans. Herself summed it up thusly after she and the ladies had considered a group of photographs of good looking men:
Though the beefcake pictures are Very Nice Indeed, [if I were single] I wouldn't ever get into bed with any of those men. Anyone who is that self-confident/assured to pose nude or nearly so, is not someone I'd be comfortable with. Give me a man who is secretly a little horrified/worried about being naked - that's what I would want. It would be a more honest experience for me.
Attractiveness is also intelligence, wit and humor: for a man to be attractive, he must be able to carry on a good conversation, and he must be able to laugh and to make a woman laugh. Add in, too, a bit of competence in a field of his choosing (he should know something about something); a smidgen of attentiveness (he remembers something she has said previously and mentions it); a morsel of thoughtfulness (he looks out for her comfort, either physical or emotional); and a dash of gentlemanly behavior (he occasionally opens that door for her). Also required: Honesty. Trustworthiness. Reliability.
As you can see, handsomeness is a mere miniscule fraction of attractiveness: it is, rather, the sum character of the man that makes him the most attractive. I wonder whether many men are actually aware of this? Well, my intrepid readers, at least those of you who are men now do.
Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. - Kahlil Gibran
Certainly a very handsome lizard.
Only the lady lizards can tell us for sure, though,
whether he is also an attractive lizard.
*
yay!!
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