Derp

Poor New Old Dog has been under the weather. He got up in the middle of the night last night -- for the first time ever -- by tweedling softly in his Man Cave/crate. He needed to run out to the yard to poop several times over the next few hours, so we rested on the couch downstairs instead of going back up to bed. 

We visited the vet this afternoon, and with some meds he is perking up already. Bless his tiny furry heart, he is so grateful for the simplest of things, like a car ride and some crock-pot-chicken-and-rice. And sitting on the couch together. 

Hard to believe we've only had him for four months. 

Good boy.

Bug

MOM THERE IS A BUG RIGHT THERE LOOK.

Lay Your Hands

The Crane Wife

Herself speaks.

Today, I read a piece titled The Crane Wife, by CJ Hauser. You can find it here, in the Paris Review. 

Go ahead and read it. I'll wait.

It is beautifully written. The story the narrator weaves is not of her ex-fiance (who appears to have been, at a minimum, an extraordinarily callous individual) or of her leaving, but rather, of her own self-effacement and self-denial: her need not to need.

Does it speak to you?

This: There is nothing more humiliating to me than my own desires. Nothing that makes me hate myself more than being burdensome and less than self-sufficient.

Or this: Even now I hear the words as shameful: Thirsty. Needy. The worst things a woman can be. Some days I still tell myself to take what is offered, because if it isn’t enough, it is I who wants too much.

Or even this: it’s harder to tell the story of how I convinced myself I didn’t need what was necessary to survive. How I convinced myself it was my lack of needs that made me worthy of love.

-----

Why do we do this? We try so hard not to need, as if needing is a fault, a failure, a flaw. If we do not receive what we want, we assume that we want too much. We give and give and give. We hope that if we behave just right, if we do all the right things at the right time and in the right way, we will somehow receive what we need in return without asking. Our needs magically met. 

It doesn't work like that, though. 

Perhaps it is time to learn to speak our needs aloud. 

Do we have the bravery for that?

We shall see. 

Personal Space

Tiny Dog is the alpha dog: the house, especially the personal space sphere around Herself, is her Domain, and Tiny Dog lets everyone know it, especially New Old Dog. Is he -- or are you -- too close to Tiny Dog? Or to Herself? Tiny Dog will complain loudly, and will also possibly try to bite, any interloper. It's the way she is. 

Still, every now and then she deigns to sit near New Old Dog; and even on occasion, she rests in actual physical contact with him. He quietly lets her do so. He's a patient old soul, and knows that if we are unthreatening and patient, sometimes even the most prickly among us will accept a bit of touch. As long as it is on their own terms. 

So be it. 

One Year Ago

What an exhausting experience.  I am so relieved that it is behind me now. 

Behold

Behold.
Beautiful.

Picture copyright 2019, Mediocria Firma. 

All rights reserved. Used with gratitude.