Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried

And, in the "Myths and Legends of our Time" category, we have the following e-mail message from a school teacher (relevant names and class redacted for protection of the involved parties):

I am [CHILD's] [SUBJECT] teacher. I would like to share a concern with you over something that I observed today. [CHILD] was observed crushing smarties into powder. Of course it is not illegal to crush candy; however, there is a growing trend of snorting smarties. [CHILD] tried to hide the candy from me immediately when I walked up. I threw it away. Students are not allowed to eat or drink in the classroom. I am concern that [CHILD] may have intended to snort the candy. This practice can be detrimental to [CHILD'S] health. I have listed a few links to supply you more detail about the topic. Please visit with [CHILD] about this topic.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/middle-school-warns-snorting-smarties-may-lead-to-nasal-maggots/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/01/23/smarties-snorting-schools-parents/4714515/"

Now, color me naive, perhaps, but my first thought upon observing a child crushing Smarties, would not be "SNORTING CRUSHED CANDY NASAL MAGGOTS SURE TO FOLLOW," but rather, would be something along the lines of "that'll make a mess, and will probably be sticky, and holy cow students don't make a sticky mess in the classroom."  If I were a particularly astute teacher, my second thought would probably be something such as "those sure are crushable and children who enjoy textures and sensations -- and minor destruction, as many young boys do -- probably enjoy it.  But it's still messy, and holy cow student's don't make a sticky mess in the classroom."

Along similar lines, if I saw a child hiding the evidence of a crushed Smartie, I would most likely think something along the lines of "child knows that's messy and that messes shouldn't be made in the classroom so is trying to hide mess-making," or possibly, "child knows it's against the rules to eat or drink in the classroom, so that's most likely why child is trying to hide the squashed Smartie."

And in addition, I might also think:  "While there are apparently news articles from seemingly legitimate sources about an alleged increase in Smartie-snorting, such snorting seems inherently unpleasant and it's really unlikely that students are actually doing so in droves."  Or finally, perhaps:  "I should check Snopes."

It's really very difficult to take this kind of message seriously.  But we must, somehow, in the extremely unlikely event that a child might have heard something obscure about snorting Smarties and decided to do something dumb like irritate their nasal passages with a bit of sugar and food coloring.

Or perhaps we should just remind children not to have any food or drink in the classroom.

This lovely image was found in an article discussing the snorting of Smarties, here: http://www.eastbayri.com/news/schools/e-mail-students-snorting-and-smoking-smarties/

Things That Are Awesome, Tiny Pug Edition

Herself, like many denizens of the internet, is a bit enamored of pugs.  Imagine her delight at discovering an Etsy shop -- "owlhaveyouinstitches" -- that offers, among many other things, tiny felt pugs in match box beds.

So cute!

Another's Poetry

I don't often read poetry.  Yet when I came across this particular poem, I found it to be particularly apt.

The days
were long when
she was
small

too much noise
for a heart that thrived
inside the stillness
of a softer light,
the filtered
lens of
dawn and dusk

a child that
longed for
the deckled edges
of a gentler
season,
the subtler notes of
poetry and
psalms,
the faded colors of
something
handled often
and so well-loved --
fabric frayed and
tears stained
with hope and sorrow,
comfort
and
sleep

she searched for
corners
where the gold
of lamplight
barely
reached -- yet
just
enough for
reading
Dickens and
James,
Austen and
Bronte

she sought the
strains of
DeBussy and
Barber,
leaned into the the
sorrowing
notes --
minor chords
that gave her space to
cry
fat, hot
tears that
would not come in the
bright company
of
a DJ's
choice --
the top ten
heard on
a summer's day
by the
neighborhood
pool

she found her
home in
snow falling on
still waters
a place
where
geese rose and
circled,
and
hungry
deer
tiptoed through
the pinions
as tenderly as
the
first notes
of
an adagio
for
strings

low,
sad,
and
sweet --

she
held
her breath

for this
was what she'd
waited
for

and she
curled herself
into that
quiet
moment of
grace

and the
tears
fell

as
soft
as
snow

― Kate Mullane Robertson

The Downfall of Civilization

Behold, a brand of sneakers in the store yesterday.
Note the message inside the high-top.

I'm apoplectically speechless.

Just NO.

Frog Prince

While cleaning out the garage during a lull in the garage sale, we came across Herself's old album, The Frog Prince.  Delightful!  When she was a child, she listened to it on the brightly colored plastic-shelled record player in the playroom.  She'd listen to the voices and hum along with the songs while looking at the photos inside the album cover (which opened like a two-page book).  It was one of her favorite pastimes. It was only years later that she realized the photos were actually stills from a television special by Jim Henson and his muppets.  She's never seen the show.

One time, she was listening to the album when one of her mother's friends, who was visiting, came through the playroom.  She looked at the photos with Herself, and confided that she thought the Prince was better looking when he was a frog.  Indeed, he was.

Garage Sale

We are attempting to divest ourselves of some Stuff. We shall see how it goes.

Midlife

Herself speaks.

I can no longer
Define myself by my job,
My Offspring, my looks.

Question: who am I?
A round, middle-aged woman
Searching for meaning.

Not sure what comes next
Not at all sure where to look
Not sure what I'll find

Step by step, I go
Hoping the path becomes clear -
Join me, on my way?