Facing The Book

I have joined FaceBook.  Let the FaceBook Follies begin!

19

Nineteen years ago, in front of family, friends, and a heavily perspiring Father Kelley, Herself and her Beloved exchanged vows and became husband and wife. 

Herself was asked last night, "What's the secret?"  

Herself tells me that the secret to a long-term marriage is in two vital phrases:

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry."

These words encompass a wealth of necessities:  gratitude, caring, humbleness, service, forgiveness, appreciation.  Together with a large measure of patience, they can help to surmount almost any challenge.

These words have served Herself well for nineteen years.  I know they will serve well for many more.

Bunny

This morning while out bicycling, Offspring the third found a bunny hopping around a front yard. No one answered the door when he rang the bell, so he captured it and carefully brought it home, wrapped in his T-shirt. He has posted "Found Bunny" signs at strategic locations throughout the neighborhood. No calls yet.

Such a sweet bunny.

The Nadir of Existence (AKA Middle School)

Yesterday, Herself registered Offspring the third for middle school.  He is a tad nervous.  She is working hard to be a pillar of stability, comfort, and enthusiasm for him. She has already contacted the Vice Principal to try to ensure that Offspring the third's 504 plan has transferred from elementary school, to facilitate accommodation and integration into the middle school world. 

She worries quite a bit about what Offspring the third will face this year. The complexity of switching classes; the need to remember multiple homework assignments; having to "suit out" for physical eduction.  So many moving parts to the schedule.

Her biggest fear, as always:  the bullies.  Tender-hearted, quirky Offspring the third has always been a target.  His hot buttons are large and easy to press.  While he has made significant progress in learning how to navigate social waters, he still regularly requires that someone fling him a life preserver when he is worn out and struggling. 

Yesterday, Herself decided was time to have a heart-to-heart with Offspring the third about the Asperger's elephant that sometimes appears in the room with him.  More complicated than any 'birds and bees' discussion, it was a delicate dance of description. A pointing out of his personality quirks; an explanation of how such quirks are all part of the way he was made, and that the term 'Asperger's' is commonly used to describe a panoply of quirks like his.  A comment that he is slightly different -- not in a bad or wrong way, but in his own way.  A cautionary statement that some people look down upon others who are different, and the need for judgement as to whom he tells about his Asperger's.  A mention of famous people who also have Asperger's.  A brief talk about accommodations in school. 

He had no particular questions, and she is not sure how much of an impact the talk has had on him.  She knows, though, that it is better he be aware of the terminology that may be applied to him, so that he will understand any overheard, well-meaning whispers and can be matter-of-fact about his own needs. The term, 'Asperger's,' will be a tool for him to gain that little bit of extra understanding that is critical for him to succeed.

Let us hope that all will go as well as possible.  Godspeed, Offspring the third, as you delve into middle school.  We will be here for you, to gather you and support you, always.

Cougah!

Moods are improving a bit over here, with much thanks to supportive friends for their kind words. 

Herself has even taken to wearing her "cougar" hat as a humorous reference to her age.  Offspring the first picked it out while we were on vacation; she said that the other choice was a horse hat, but that Herself "is not an old nag," so the cougar hat it was.  It is quite a fabulous piece of headgear.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The Well

Birthdays are tricky things. 

Herself has not aged happily.  She tolerated this birthday, though 43 appears as though it will be a slightly more difficult year than 42 was.  She did her best to maintain a good sense of humor, to be grateful for all that she has, to recognize that all things considered, she's faring fairly well for her age.  She tried to pamper herself a bit, as one is expected to do at birthday-time:  a haircut, a tiny bit of shopping.  She thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her Beloved and her cherished friend that morning, and challenged herself that afternoon by making a cake from scratch. Yet she knew that despite her efforts, she was at the periphery of an unhappy place. 

It was a few casual words, though, that pushed Herself over the edge into the Well:  "You're officially middle-aged now."

Why was this sentence the tipping point?  Perhaps because it's quite true.  She is halfway done, at the least.  

This is a hard place to be.  She suddenly has become more aware of those dreams deferred and set aside, and knows that she must accept that certain goals will never, in fact, come to pass.  She worries significantly about the economy, about under-employment, about balancing the wants and desires of the family against a shrinking income. She is far more sorrowful than she thought she would be when she acknowledges that her reproductive years are behind her, and she regrets not enjoying the years when her offspring were tiny more.  She is concerned about protecting them from the sometimes-harsh glare of the Real World, about trying to ensure they learn all the lessons they need and make no life-altering mistakes.  So many small worries.  They have reached a critical mass, and spontaneously formed the Well in which she now sits.

She will find her way out of the Well eventually.  She always does.  In the meanwhile, though, if you have a moment to quietly keep her company in the Well, she would be grateful.

Birthday

Yesterday was Herself's 43rd birthday.  Her only wishes, as she blew out her candles, were for health and happiness for Herself, her Beloved and her Offspring, as well as for health and happiness for, and continued friendship with, those individuals who have beeen so important to her in the past year. 

I hope all her wishes come true.